IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that humans are damaging seriously the environment. what are the causes? what should people do to solve this peoblem?

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Many individuals believe that humans
hardly
Verb problem
are hardly
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 damaging
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 too serious
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 people have several solution of
this
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problem
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. First of all, the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
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people mostly damaging
environment
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 is
they
Correct word choice
that they
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overusing
Wrong verb form
overuse
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transport
Use synonyms
 and
modernizated
Correct your spelling
modernised
 vehicles. In the various areas , using
transport
Use synonyms
 is the most needed thing for citizens to reach from one
to
Check wording
place to
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second place
Correct determiner usage
another
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, which makes
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 convenient for travelling .
However
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, the negative side of
transport
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 is they make
pollution
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, that have bad impact on
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. Many countries
suffering
Verb problem
are suffering
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 from
such
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 a
problem
Use synonyms
, and
trying
Verb problem
are trying
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 hard to solve it, even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a global
problem
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 because of them.
Furthermore
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, the fabric contamination is
making huge
Correct word order
causing as many problems
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problems
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 as much as
transport
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.
While
Linking Words
transport
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 have negative effect on
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
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, fabrics
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 both issues , but more
serious
Rephrase
seriously
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: air
pollution
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 and sea
pollution
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. All of
this
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made
Verb problem
was made
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 by humans, and only they can solve those
problems
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. The solution
of
Change preposition
to
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 those
problems
Use synonyms
 could be supporting green ecology and
making
Verb problem
taking
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 steps to be a volunteer. Nowadays,
this
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 type of solution is popular
between
Change preposition
among
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 teenagers, who are actively supporting the
environment
Use synonyms
 .
For example
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, in Kazakhstan ,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 have their own community of
volunteer
Check wording
volunteers
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 known as " Jasyl El", which means "Green Country". They are doing their best for the country.
Moreover
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, cultivating many trees across the urban and rural areas could
also
Linking Words
 help to solve air
pollution
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. It is known
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that trees provide oxygen,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 positively affects
to
Change preposition
the
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environment
Use synonyms
 and makes
for
Change preposition
apply
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habitats good
condition
Check wording
conditions
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 to live . In conclusion, people made serious
problems
Use synonyms
 with
transport
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 and fabrics, that lead to
pollution
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 , which
is
Verb problem
apply
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became
hazard
Correct article usage
a hazard
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 for
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. But, with the simple solutions like participating in green ecology
programms
Correct your spelling
programs
 and harvesting trees all over the
area
Punctuation problem
area,
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 can solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, without making trade-off decisions.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give causes and solutions, but some ideas are not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for causes and one for solutions is good, but each point needs better support.
task response
Add more direct examples and explain how each example helps the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
task response
Check that each sentence clearly connects to the question about the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph flow smoother. Some sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use a real example about a green group in Kazakhstan.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall direction.
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