IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the sahara or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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Nowadays, a significant number of individuals are visiting severe environments,
such
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 as
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 Sahara or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Antarctica. In
this
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 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
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 situation. A group of
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as backpackers and
bloggers
Punctuation problem
bloggers,
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 love to explore and visit new spots. In doing so, they enhance their outlooks
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in a
way
Add a comma
way,
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 they earn a substantial amount of money.
However
Linking Words
, individuals and bloggers who are addicted to
traveling
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travelling
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 and filming new
places
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, take fascinating pictures,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 post on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make a living doing these activities.
In addition
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 don’t incline to live
harsh
Change preposition
in harsh
show examples
 condition and
this
Linking Words
 leads to
places
Use synonyms
 and nature
untouched
Verb problem
being untouched
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it grabs travellers and bloggers’ attention, which they find
this
Linking Words
 situation
as
Change preposition
to be
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 lucrative to film and share feelings and expressions on the platforms.
Furthermore
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, scientists and
archaeologist
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archaeologists
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 are interested in ancient
places
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 and natural resources,
say
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such as
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 petrol, oil and water reserves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they are willing to learn
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people’s
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about people’s
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and activities in
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, given that a group of
people
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 visit these
places
Use synonyms
 because of profitable
but
Punctuation problem
but,
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 they can confront any danger or situation which they are not familiar
.
Change preposition
with.
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 Doing so, they put their
life
Use synonyms
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at risk and
this
Linking Words
effects on
Verb problem
affects
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 their mental and physical health in a bad way.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware of situations
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when they try new things in
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 save their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. They are unfamiliar with the areas and situations which they encounter, vice versa
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 can put their
life
Use synonyms
under a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger and has potential hurt themselves. In conclusion, stop by on sites where condition is difficult, it provides
opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
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 to explore and enhance your earnings
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in contrast
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, you should avoid doing something wrong
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 your
life
Use synonyms
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at risk and
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
 your health.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say what the good points are and what the bad points are for tourists.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for benefits, one for disadvantages.
task response
Give simple and real examples to support your ideas, not only general points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
task response
Some ideas are hard to understand. Write shorter sentences and make each point direct.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus. Sometimes you write about scientists and bloggers, not only tourists.
task response
You wrote about both benefits and disadvantages, so you answered the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You tried to use linking words like 'however', 'in addition', and 'as a result'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adventure tourism
  • unspoiled beauty
  • thrill-seekers
  • sustainable travel
  • wilderness areas
  • ecotourism
  • environmental conservation
  • cultural footprint
  • remote destinations
  • carbon footprint
  • extreme climates
  • economic boost
  • indigenous communities
  • responsible tourism
  • preservation efforts
  • adverse effects
  • infrastructure development
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