IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services children of pre- school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 centres that
care
Use synonyms
 for
ages
Check wording
children of all ages
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as pre-school
ones
Punctuation problem
ones,
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 are the best.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others say that their relatives
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
Change preposition
as grandparents
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grandparents
Punctuation problem
grandparents,
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 will take
care
Use synonyms
them
Change preposition
of them
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 far better. I will discuss both views. But, for me, some
children
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
are
show examples
 born
have
Change preposition
with
show examples
 problems, so
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 these
times
Use synonyms
 they need
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
to
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understand their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and how to treat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
So
Punctuation problem
So,
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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 experts centres can be a solution. On the one hand, younger
people
Use synonyms
 can
born
Verb problem
be born
show examples
 disabled
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in these
times
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, experts
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can know exactly how to treat them in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right way. Some
children
Use synonyms
 born can not be able to hear clearly,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know how to deal with them. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can sometimes need sign language. If they need anything, their
parents
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can know and understand their signs. During early ages, they may not have enough signs or know enough. So,
They
Fix capitalization
they
show examples
 might need special treatment if their
parents
Use synonyms
 go anywhere.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 centres provide
care
Use synonyms
 for all kids,
Linking Words
also might
Correct word order
they might also
show examples
 have professionals for the
signs languages
Check wording
sign language
show examples
 and special equipment for them.
Linking Words
instead
Fix capitalization
Instead
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 of other
people
Use synonyms
 who might
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not know exactly how to know
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they need anything.
Linking Words
as
Fix capitalization
As
show examples
 a result
for
Change preposition
,
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 the child
, he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 may feel that he
different
Verb problem
is different
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 from other
people
Use synonyms
. Unlike
,
Correct determiner usage
a
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 childcare centre where
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
someone who can
know
Verb problem
speak
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 the same language.
also
Linking Words
 they can have a time and play with
children
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 the same language.
Therefore
Linking Words
 can ensure that the child will not be alimanated specially in the early age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes, grandparents give as much contribution as they can
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 grandchildren. grandparents can be
retaired
Correct your spelling
retired
 and ,during their
Use synonyms
times
Check wording
time
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, they have much free time. Other
times
Use synonyms
, they can be happy if they hear that
grandchildren
Correct determiner usage
their grandchildren
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come
Wrong verb form
are coming
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 to visit them. So
times
Use synonyms
 of absence
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 child's
parents
Use synonyms
that
Verb problem
take
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 the kid spend it there. They can give him all of their
Use synonyms
times
Check wording
time
show examples
 in
sort
Correct article usage
a sort
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 of
care
Use synonyms
. From their
percpectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
,
this
Linking Words
 can come as money they give to please him. Or food is prepared by his grandmother
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 him.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can
intertain
Correct your spelling
entertain
 him with stories from their old days.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You write about child centres and grandparents, but your own view is not clear at the end.
task response
Add a short conclusion. Say your opinion again in one clear sentence.
task response
Use clearer main ideas for each paragraph. Start with one simple point, then explain it.
task response
Give examples that fit the topic better. For example, say how a centre helps with learning, play, and safety, or how grandparents give love and close care.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, However, For example, and As a result.
coherence cohesion
Make sentences shorter and easier to follow. Many sentences are hard to understand now.
coherence cohesion
Keep one idea together in one place. Do not move from parents to centres to feelings in the same long part.
coherence cohesion
Check paragraph order. Your first body paragraph is long and not well controlled, and the second one is much shorter.
task response
You discuss both views, so you understand the task.
task response
You try to give reasons for each side.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has paragraph breaks, which helps the reader.
coherence cohesion
You use some link words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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