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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some culture children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disavdantages of giving children this message

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In different cultures
kids
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, kids
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 are often told
how
Correct word choice
that
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 by trying hard
enough
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enough,
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 they can get everything they want in life.
This
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 can help boost their
moral
Replace the word
morale
 to work harder
can
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apply
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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this
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 approach can help them
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, but
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but
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it
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this
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 can
also
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 spiral backwards and cause many problems. On one hand,
Saying
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saying
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 hard work will get them wherever they want is a saying we
listen
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apply
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often
in
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hear in
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 school and
sports
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on sports
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 grounds.
This
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 gives them a ray of hope that if they put the right amount of
work
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work,
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 they can get the results they desire. It's
a
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an
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 essential motivation tool for kids who
wants
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want
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 to play a sport as they get to hear it from
there
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their
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 coaches all the time.
On the other hand
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,
Even
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even
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 though it can raise their spirit immensely
still there is
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, there is still
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 a certain amount of backlash involved too. Sometimes even after putting all the strength a person
have
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has
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 into
something
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something,
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 they still
dont
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don't
 get the thing they wanted . In that case i can end up harming their
self confidence
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self-confidence
 and
also
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 causing various
self doubts
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self-doubts
.
To conclude
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, kids may get to listen
it
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to it
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alot
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a lot
 that hard
woker
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work
 is the key
for
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to
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 everything
but
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, but
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 there are sometimes when
this
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 same motivation can make them fall into
hole
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a hole
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 of anxiety, depression and so on. So
i
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I
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 think motivation is a essetial aspect of life
but
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, but
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also
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plaaning
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planning
 for what comes after it is
also
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 a considerable thing to do.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Show clearly why this message is good and why it is bad.
task response
Add one clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is easy to follow. Some parts now are not clear.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear opening and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple paragraph plan, which helps the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • effort
  • hard work
  • try
  • achieve
  • goal
  • plan
  • practice
  • persistence
  • belief
  • confidence
  • failure
  • pressure
  • stress
  • health
  • talent
  • luck
  • realistic
  • balance
  • support
  • guide
  • parent
  • teacher
  • child
  • school
  • culture
  • improve
  • learn
  • reward
  • blame
  • risk
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • success
  • motivation
  • opportunity
  • access
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