IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think charity organizations should help people in great need wherever they live. However, others think they should help people in their own country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 multiple ways to handle
this
Linking Words
 question from multiple angles. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I would say that multinational organisations,
such
Linking Words
 as the United Nations or Unicef help
issues
Verb problem
address issues
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 by stopping the
root
Use synonyms
cause
Use synonyms
 rather than letting them spread One example of how
this
Linking Words
 can help us in local by getting
the
Change preposition
to the
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root
Use synonyms
cause
Use synonyms
, diseases
Punctuation problem
. Diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as
Ebola
Punctuation problem
Ebola,
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 when we give vaccines to other countries
Punctuation problem
,
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this
Linking Words
 can help us.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 is
due to
Linking Words
 the
illness
Check wording
apply
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infection reduction,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to less transmission and
it
Verb problem
makes it
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being
Wrong verb form
apply
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less likely to spread out of the country. If we fund organisations that can help with the
ebola
Fix capitalization
Ebola
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 vaccine or sexual health options, we can make sure there is less of these issues going around the world
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
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 a positive effect for the whole world, not just at
home
Use synonyms
 Example 2 could be socio economic issues in other countries causing mass migration to other countries,
for example
Linking Words
 places
such
Linking Words
 as Gaza organisations need to, have access in Gaza to stop the spread of illnesses and minimise death and part two if they decide they need to leave their country if we had addressed the
root
Use synonyms
cause
Use synonyms
 of genocide and destabalisation in the middle east, we would have less migration at
home
Use synonyms
, less benefits given, and both sides would have a better quality of life In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 if we address the
root
Use synonyms
cause
Use synonyms
 of problems before they hit
home
Use synonyms
, we actually create a world which has
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 quality of life for everyone
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 just people close to
home
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 not
mutally
Correct your spelling
mutually
 exclusive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in my conclusion to
finalise
Punctuation problem
finalise,
show examples
 we can have our cake and eat it too.

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task response
Answer both sides of the topic. You mostly support help for other countries, but you do not really explain why some people think charity should help people at home first.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Add one clear paragraph for the other view, then one clear paragraph for your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, however, for example, because, and in conclusion.
task response
Explain each example more clearly. Some ideas are good, but they need more support and clearer steps.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear main opinion: helping other countries can also help your own country.
task response
You use real world examples like Ebola, Gaza, and migration to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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