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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents believe that children should attend extra classes after school hours while some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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At present, opponents
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
 that offspring should not attend more
Use synonyms
classess
Correct your spelling
classes
 after
school
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,
while
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 proponents have a
divers
Replace the word
diverse
 perspective.
However
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, I am stauch believer that
children
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 should attend more
classes
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 to improve
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 cognitive skills and help them to extend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 experience in
a
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apply
show examples
different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in their lives. On the one hand,
myriade
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a myriad
 of
individual
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individuals
show examples
 think
offspring
Correct word choice
that offspring
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 should attend more
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
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.
This
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 is because these
classes
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 will help them
for
Change preposition
with
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 higher education,
also
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 it will
foter dducation
Correct your spelling
foster educational
 learning.
For example
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, in
India
Punctuation problem
India,
show examples
 some students facing challening in English
Punctuation problem
, and
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and it
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which
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 is required in higher education, so they should get
a
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apply
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high grades in
the
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apply
show examples
high
school
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. As a resullt those parents think
is
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that
show examples
 taking some
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classess
Correct your spelling
classes
 after
school
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 plays a vital to prepare thier chilren for the future.
On the other hand
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, some people think it is
unessential
Correct word choice
unnecessary
show examples
 to take
classes
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 after
school
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.
This
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 means that those parents
beleive thier chilren
Correct your spelling
believe their children
 are learning from different
couses
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courses
 by rote learning, so
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 take
waht
Correct your spelling
what
 is necessary
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such
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, such
show examples
 as Math,Arabic and English.
For instance
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, in some poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
such
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 as South Africa
some
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, some
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals can not provide these
classes
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 for their
children
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 because
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can not afford it for them.
Therefore
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, these
lingae
Correct your spelling
languages
 can learn
every thing
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everything
 in
school
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 for free
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it helps them to have more skills
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as inerpersonal skill and congnitive inside the
school
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, so they do not have to do more affort more than attending
school
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. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay
menifested
Correct your spelling
manifested
 the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that taking
classes
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 after
school
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in
children
Use synonyms
's future. I am convinced that parents should
convience
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convince
 their
children
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 to take extra
Use synonyms
classess
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classes
 after
school
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 in different filed
such
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 as
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
show examples
 to avoid
technology
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the technology
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 divide and essential
Use synonyms
classess
Correct your spelling
classes
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the other side needs a bit more full support.
task response
Make each main idea very clear. Some ideas are hard to follow because the meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to understand. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are used well, but some sentences still do not connect in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. A few sentences seem mixed, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your essay.
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