IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that international aid and diplomatic intervention are the most effective ways to ensure global stability and peace. Others, however, argue that countries should strictly focus on their internal development and domestic policies rather than interfering in international affairs.

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Some people debate whether international
aid
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 and diplomatic intervention are the most effective
ones
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means
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 for ensuring global stability and peace.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
countries
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 should strictly focus on their internal development and domestic policies. In my view, that topic is open to debate.
Furthermore
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, both arguments hold valid points from their respective perspectives. Let's begin with supporters of international
aid
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. The main idea they support is that the great powers of the
world
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 have to assume that responsibility and
aid
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 other
countries
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. They mostly believe that would solve economic-based problems and diplomatic crises and would bring the
world
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 to a period of peace by
stabilizing
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stabilising
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 their economies.
Secondly
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, there are supporters of
countries
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 focusing strictly on their internal development and domestic policies. The main thesis they are defending is
:
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apply
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These
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that these
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countries
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 already have economic problems and domestic policy problems;
such
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aid
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 would increase the sluggishness of states. The main idea that must be implemented is helping
such
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 governments learn how to develop their own economic
sources
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resources
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 and handle domestic policies.
Thirdly
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, as far as I am concerned, there should be a balance between them.
This
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 principle can be elucidated by analogy
:
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;
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 the main problem won't be solved just by providing fish; we have to teach how to hunt.
However
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, that's not possible without a fishing rod. That's the balance I've mentioned.
Finally
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, in conclusion,
stabilizing
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stabilising
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 the
world
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 is not possible in one way and has to be discussed by conflict ideas. That's the way
,
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apply
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 which would create a path for us to a better
world
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.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Do not say the topic is open to debate only. Say which side you support.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are too general and stop too soon.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs in a more equal way. Each body part should have one clear main idea and support.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, not fully joined.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion stronger by repeating your opinion in a direct way.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic.
task response
Your own view is present, and the balance idea is easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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