IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries, a few people earns extremely high salaries. some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.

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In several countries, some
people
Use synonyms
 earn exceptionally high incomes.
The number of
Correct determiner usage
Some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should
control
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
salary
Check wording
salaries
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
 conditions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the country`s social situation will improve,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 is important for their bright life. It seems to me that many
people
Use synonyms
 should earn
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 to improve their future prospects.
That is
Linking Words
 why
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
control
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people`s
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that some
people
Use synonyms
 need
earn
Verb problem
to earn
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
income
Use synonyms
. A few
people
Use synonyms
 can develop
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
an economy
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
thigh-
Correct your spelling
high-income
income
Use synonyms
 individuals often help to encourage innovation by investing in new technology. They
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can create many vacant jobs. Addictions, a few
people
Use synonyms
 can
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
pay more taxes than other
people
Use synonyms
.
Absolutely
Punctuation problem
Absolutely,
show examples
 these reasons are important
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
disadvantage
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
 side more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in some countries
people
Use synonyms
 can`t earn
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
income
Use synonyms
, because
this
Linking Words
 country have should be well-developed
economy
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 should
control
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
salary
Check wording
salaries
show examples
 for social
.
Check wording
reasons.
show examples
 There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 don`t limit the amount
people
Use synonyms
 can earn,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to inequality in society.
Income
Use synonyms
 inequality has a significant impact on their life and living conditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, variety
salary
Use synonyms
 can
effect to
Use the right word
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
people`s
Use synonyms
 education, health and trust in the
government
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, rich
people
Use synonyms
 can educate their child expensively kindergarten, school and university. In these
please
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 children can learn better than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 affordable
please
Check wording
places
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the impact on public health
also
Linking Words
 influences
organization
Check wording
organisations
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as private clinics and
government
Use synonyms
 hospitals.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I would argue that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should limited
salary
Use synonyms
 for everyone. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 can make
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 have only several benefits, but
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
control
Use synonyms
salary
Use synonyms
 it will be better
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people`s
Change preposition
for people`s
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
countries
Check wording
the country's
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
Use synonyms
people`s
Use synonyms
salary
Use synonyms
 have limited by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.

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task response
Task response: Answer both sides more clearly. You talk about both views, but your own view changes and this makes your answer less clear.
task response
Task response: Keep one clear opinion from start to end. In the first part, you say high pay is good, but later you say the government should limit all pay.
task response
Task response: Add one or two simple but clear examples. Your examples are linked to the topic, but they need more detail.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put your ideas in a clearer order. Each body part should have one main idea and then support it.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple link words well, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'First', 'Also', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make sure each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts are hard to follow because the meaning changes fast.
task response
Task response: You answer the main question and talk about both views.
task response
Task response: You give your opinion and try to support it with reasons.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use basic paragraphing and some link words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
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