In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

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In some areas, many
teenagers
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are not permitted to go out at
night
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unless they are going with an adult. In my opinion,
this
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may not be the
right
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strategy as they are mature
individuals
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and deserve the freedom of living in their own way.
To begin
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with, imposing
curfew
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on young
individuals
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may be a violation
to
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of
show examples
their freedom.
This
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is because everyone has the
right
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to live in whatever way they want to
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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forcing them to stay indoors may affect their mental well-being.
As a result
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,
teenagers
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may feel caged in their own house and eventually start hating their parents.
For example
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, if forced to stay at home, many
individuals
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may get frustrated and rebellious against their own parents.
On the other hand
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, imposing a
curfew
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at
night
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may
also
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have some benefits. Many young children get addicted to drugs
due to
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peer pressure. Not allowing them to go out at
night
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without an adult may prevent them from indulging
into
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in
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these bad habits.
However
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,
teenagers
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are grown-up
individuals
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and have a sense to differentiate between
right
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and wrong, and if they are
brought-up
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brought up
correctly by their parents, they may not misuse their freedom.
For instance
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, many
teenagers
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may still prefer to go out late
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night
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at night
show examples
without a
curfew
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,
while
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some may still find a way to break it if they desperately
wants
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want
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to go outdoors.
To sum up
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, imposing a
curfew
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may not be a good idea
as
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, as
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they may feel trapped and mentally frustrated
,
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; instead,
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instead
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they should be allowed to make their own choices and learn to choose between
right
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and wrong habits.

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task response
Task response: Your opinion is clear from the start, and you keep it in the essay. This is good. To get a higher score, explain your main idea more fully and show both sides in a more balanced way.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Add more clear detail about why curfew can hurt freedom and why some people still support it.
task response
Task response: Your examples are relevant, but they are very broad. Try to use one more specific example to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your linking words like 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', 'However', and 'To sum up' are useful. Still, some sentences could connect more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: In the second body paragraph, your idea changes direction a few times. You can make it clearer by giving one main point in each paragraph and then supporting it.
task response
Task response: You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Task response: You include both the bad side and the good side of curfew.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow in general because the order of ideas is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good for essay shape.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enforce
  • juvenile
  • repercussions
  • autonomy
  • adolescence
  • paternalistic
  • delinquency
  • municipality
  • ordinance
  • authoritarian
  • peer pressure
  • social dynamics
  • civil liberties
  • community policing
  • preventative measures
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