IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
TVs
Use synonyms
 and
Children
Use synonyms
 is the hot
talk
Check wording
topic
show examples
 in parenting discussions. One side
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that it bring the creativity to the
Use synonyms
children mind
Check wording
children's minds
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 other seeing it as
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
. In my opinion, the limitation of watching time of
TV
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 the
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 to the
children
Use synonyms
 without being extreme. Some people believe that exposing the kids to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their creativity by
activate
Wrong verb form
activating
show examples
 their imagination
during
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 watching films.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the films bring stories that
children
Use synonyms
 never
expreience
Correct your spelling
experience
 before. In conclusion,
theur
Correct your spelling
their
 imagination
interact
Correct subject-verb agreement
interacts
show examples
 with those new stories, and most of the time they try to bring it to their real life. As an
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a lot of
children
Use synonyms
mimicing
Correct your spelling
mimicking
 the story of
spiderman
Correct your spelling
Spider-Man
,
sendrella
Fix capitalization
Sendrella
show examples
, and
batman
Fix capitalization
Batman
show examples
. On the opposite side, other people think watching
TV
Use synonyms
limit
Correct subject-verb agreement
limits
show examples
 the creative abilities of kids.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, its bad effect on their communication with
real-world
Correct determiner usage
the real world
show examples
. And
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science play crucial role by standing with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
Neuroscientis
Correct your spelling
Neuroscientists
 show that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
effect
Use the right word
affects
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
children brain
Check wording
children's brains
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 attention span. And other families
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 experience
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ADHD and Autism connection claims to
wahching
Correct your spelling
watching
TVs
Use synonyms
. All of these threads of concerns
flowing
Wrong verb form
flow
show examples
 into the relationship between the
TVs
Use synonyms
 and
loweing
Correct your spelling
lowering
 the cognitive abilities of
childrens
Replace the word
children
. The
Use synonyms
children exposure to the
Correct word order
children's exposure to the TVs and films
show examples
TVs
Use synonyms
 and fils is doubled-edged sword. Being
extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
 on letting
children
Use synonyms
with endless watch time
Correct word order
watch endlessly
show examples
, or preventing them from
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
show examples
 with their imagenation bring all of
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
cocerns
Correct your spelling
concerns
. In my opinion, set limitaion on watch tome bring the
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 without
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
 the kids' attention span and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their abilities
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 have a creative way
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 seeing the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the second side needs a clearer explanation.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Your view is there, but some lines are hard to follow.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are not easy to understand because the word order is not clear.
task response
You answer the full question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples, such as film heroes and family cases.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: