IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

International tourism has brought about enormous benefit to many places .At the same time there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and environment . do disadvantage is outweight than advantages ?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
World
Use synonyms
tourism
Use synonyms
 has
gave
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of advantages to many locations.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are some disdvantages consequences can come with
this
Linking Words
 to
locals
Use synonyms
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Use synonyms
tourism
Fix capitalization
Tourism
show examples
 can be a oppourtinity for a
lot
Use synonyms
foreign
Change preposition
of foreign
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to do illegal actions in any
country
Use synonyms
. It can have harmful outcomes on a
country
Use synonyms
 that
host
Correct subject-verb agreement
hosts
show examples
 them.
However
Linking Words
, the
currency
Use synonyms
 differences among
countries
Use synonyms
 can
benfit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 the third
world
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 a
lot
Use synonyms
. When it can make
Use synonyms
locals
Correct word choice
local
show examples
 businesses double their income,
also
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 economy. Because
Linking Words
this i
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 think the advantages are higher than the disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be a helpful tool to double and increase income
a
Change preposition
for many
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of local
work
Correct your spelling
workplaces
places
Use synonyms
 and whole
countries
Use synonyms
.
Countries
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different currencies with different values associated with them
anywhere
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. At begin with, third
world
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little
values
Check wording
value
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 higher
.
Check wording
values.
show examples
Tourism
Use synonyms
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
places
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as third
world
Use synonyms
to
Check wording
countries to
show examples
 utilise
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 differentiation. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 their services and their prices seem to be cheaper than
the
Correct pronoun usage
those in the
show examples
 one
world
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
. So, they attract a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 to go there. Those
tourists
Use synonyms
 can come from various
places
Use synonyms
Correct word order
, and they also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time in
Use synonyms
locals
Correct word choice
local
show examples
 cities. During these times, they buy their food and their goods in general, they pay for any sevices by their
cuurency
Correct your spelling
currency
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
currency
Use synonyms
 can be double
higher
Correct word order
or threefold higher
show examples
 than
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
currency
Use synonyms
or threefold
Correct word order
apply
show examples
. But in both cases,
Use synonyms
locals
Correct word choice
local
show examples
 businesses can
higher
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 their incomes during
this
Linking Words
 with the differentiation of currencies. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be a way for
forign
Correct your spelling
foreign
people
Use synonyms
 to enter any
country
Use synonyms
. Those
people
Use synonyms
 come via
tourist
Correct article usage
a tourist
show examples
 visa for a specific
period
Use synonyms
 of time. If
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 is finished, they should go back to their
countries
Use synonyms
. Whilst
,
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not permitted to work. But,
unfortunetly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
, some
people
Use synonyms
 do not go back
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
.
Also
Linking Words
, they try to utilise from
this
Linking Words
 to work illegally. So, they do not pay any taxes, because they are not in
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's tax
show examples
 list of taxes.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others
locals
Use synonyms
 are on
this
Linking Words
 list, they cannot find jobs in some
places
Use synonyms
. So, those illegal
tourists
Use synonyms
 can take some
locals
Use synonyms
 jobs positions.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they do not pay taxes for their jobs when they are in the city.
Fourtunetly
Correct your spelling
Fortunately
, those
people
Use synonyms
 can be found, because they do not have a local
id
Fix capitalization
ID
show examples
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, local police can search for the first day they finish their
period
Use synonyms
 of tourist visa.
Then
Linking Words
, the police can have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 illegal right to ask for money or give them black list to not come back to the
country
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a drawback
is lower
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In
compare
Replace the word
comparison
 with, what
tourists
Use synonyms
 benefit the local
residents
Check wording
residents'
show examples
 businesses from their
curriences
Correct your spelling
currency
 value. When
this
Linking Words
 enable the local
to
Verb problem
can
show examples
 increase their salaries.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be a way for a
lot
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 to
a
Verb problem
engage in a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
illegal
Change preposition
of illegal
show examples
 actions in the city that
host
Correct subject-verb agreement
hosts
show examples
 them. But
this
Linking Words
 may not
constant
Replace the word
last
 for long. Because they are able to face the local police anytime.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 their
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 on the
locals
Use synonyms
 are higher
with
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 what they pay for
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
currency
Use synonyms
.
with
Fix capitalization
With
show examples
 the differentiation value of
currencies
Add a comma
currencies,
show examples
 the
locals
Use synonyms
 can increase their salaries a
lot
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
noramal
Correct your spelling
normal
 ones.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clearer answer in the first part. Say very clearly that advantages are more than disadvantages.
task response
Add one more disadvantage about local people or the environment, because the question asks about both.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and more correct way. Some link words are used in the wrong place.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and make each sentence follow the last one more naturally.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your main idea about money from tourism is easy to see.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: