IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the cities is increasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The world has changed a great deal from the past. There are many reasons why
people
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moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 to
cities
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.
However
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,
this
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 will
increase
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 the population in the
cities
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.
This
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 essay will explain the positive and negative
development
Check wording
developments
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. Nowadays, many
people
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 live in rural moving to big
cities
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.
However
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, there are many reasons why
people
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 choice prefere live in a city more than in rural
.
Check wording
areas.
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First,
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in big
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communities
Add a comma
communities,
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 there are many companies, industries, and shops.
This
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 means
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people
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apply
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a great deal to many
people
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 to find a job.
For example
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, the big
cities
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 need handworkers and employees.
As a result
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, the companies can
get
Verb problem
apply
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benefit
with
Change preposition
from
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 expertizing
people
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.
Second,
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the education in the capital city is very developed and excellent.
Furthermore
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, there are many Universities, colleges and schools they can attend with them.
In addition
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, they use technology in study and learning.
As well as
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, students and
people
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 can get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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useful learning.
Finally
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, health care in
cities
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 is very important and they improving every day.
For example
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, there are many hospitals,
medicals
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medical facilities
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, and clinics.
However
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,
people
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 need these services for them to live
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 rural areas do not have these services.
On the other hand
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, there are many negative
face
Correct word order
faces when people
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people
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 when move to
cities
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.
First,
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increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 population are heavy causes face
people
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 in big
communities
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.
For example
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,
this
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 will increas a cost for lives in
cities
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.
In addition
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, the accommodation rents will be expensive and high-priced.
Second,
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they will affect heavy traffic and accidents.
As a result
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, many
people
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 need owen they cars to moving easy in a different zone.
Finally
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, the crime will
increase
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 in high-population
communities
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.
In addition
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, the safety means low , and the police will be tired of finding a criminal. In conclusion, I see the positive is more than negative because the
communities
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 need to
increase
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
the number of people
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 in
cities
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 to
development
Replace the word
develop
 the areas.
However
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, its best way to
increase
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 the income for
people
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 and the government.

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task response
Give a clear answer from the start. Say if this change is mostly good or mostly bad, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear support for each main point. Explain how jobs, school, and health care help people, and how traffic, rent, and crime hurt city life.
task response
Use more real and exact examples. Your examples are very general now.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part and link it in a simple way. Some lines are hard to follow because too many ideas come together.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy linking words well, like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion. Do not use too many at once.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some sentences are not clear, and this makes your meaning hard to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view at the end.
task response
You include main points about jobs, school, health care, rent, traffic, and crime.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like first, second, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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