IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expesive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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I utterly agree that many factories of food and drinks produce
products
Use synonyms
 with high amounts of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, problems
such
Linking Words
 as
obesity
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 caused by
this
Linking Words
. So,
alienation
Replace the word
alienating
 these
products
Use synonyms
 by
higher
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 their
prices
Use synonyms
 can prevent them
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 affordable for
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 association with
this
Linking Words
 decreases
a
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 chances
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 health
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
 that come from sugary
products
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
manufacturures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
 usually ensure that their
products
Use synonyms
 will reach all
people
Use synonyms
 from different
classies
Replace the word
classes
, By divide
prices
Use synonyms
 of their
products
Use synonyms
. With
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they make the
prices
Use synonyms
 higher with
sizes
Correct article usage
the sizes
show examples
 of the
products
Use synonyms
. But, in
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can allow anyone to buy the
lower
Correct word choice
smaller
show examples
 size from a child who
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money. Until others
older who
Correct word order
who are older
show examples
 have money. So
this
Linking Words
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to buy the small one all day
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 when it is
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
chocolate
Use synonyms
 bar. It is still profitable for the company. But, on the other side,
people
Use synonyms
 can be harmed
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in long-term
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
. In
chocolate
Use synonyms
 cases,
people
Use synonyms
 can have
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
obesity
Use synonyms
. When
chocolate
Use synonyms
 contain high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 associated with a
lot
Use synonyms
 of calories. Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 children who cannot be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
this
Linking Words
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
product
Check wording
products
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
this
Linking Words
 can give them some
pluasure
Correct your spelling
pleasure
. Because they contain
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level of
sugar
Use synonyms
. And they can afford them easily. So, in balance for
people
Use synonyms
 and companies, governments can
unity
Replace the word
unite
 all
chocolate
Use synonyms
 types under one or two sorts. Those one or two can be expensive to make
them
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 far from younger consumers who do not know about their side effects. But from
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 side, older
people
Use synonyms
 who are aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their negatives can buy them. Because they can afford their high
prices
Use synonyms
 anyway.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, these
products
Use synonyms
 can be unique for children to buy
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, because they cannot afford them easily. And if they afforded after saving money, they would do
this
Linking Words
rearer
Use the right word
rather
show examples
 than before. When they used to be able to buy them daily. So,
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
obesity
Use synonyms
 and high blood
sugar
Use synonyms
 can decrease in younger
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. Because unconsciously, they give up these
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 when they may consume them without consideing for their long-term effects. In conclusion, I utterly agree that if sugary
products
Use synonyms
 are expensive, children would not be able to afford them. So,
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 that come from them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
obesity
Punctuation problem
obesity,
show examples
 can
decrease
Wrong verb form
be decreased
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
. Because they will not be able to buy them anymore.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are there, but a few are hard to follow.
task achievement
Give ideas that are more direct to the question. Focus on why higher prices would lower sugar use.
task achievement
Add one or two clear examples. For example, talk about soft drinks, snacks, or a sugar tax in one place.
task achievement
Check if each sentence supports your main view. A few parts are unclear or go away from the main topic.
task achievement
You clearly say your opinion at the start and again in the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You try to use linking words like firstly, also, and in conclusion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high sugar level
  • health problems
  • make products more expensive
  • consume less sugar
  • think twice
  • cut down on sugar
  • healthy choice
  • sugar tax
  • daily diet
  • tooth decay
  • heart disease
  • put pressure on companies
  • low-income families
  • basic needs
  • eating habits
  • clear food labels
  • public health
  • government policy
  • long-term change
  • balanced diet
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