IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of convenience food has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many people nowadays use
convenience
Use synonyms
food
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 to save time.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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 offers several advantages, it
also
Linking Words
 has some serious disadvantages. On the one hand,
convenience
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food
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 is very useful for busy people. It can be prepared quickly, which saves time and effort.
This
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 is especially helpful for students and workers who have busy schedules.
In addition
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,
convenience
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food
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 is often tasty and easy to find in restaurants and supermarkets.
On the other hand
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,
convenience
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food
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 may have negative effects on health. Many products contain large amounts of sugar, salt, oil, and artificial ingredients. Eating
this
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 type of
food
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 regularly can increase the risk of obesity, high blood pressure, and Type 2 Diabetes.
Furthermore
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, buying
convenience
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food
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 frequently can be more expensive than preparing meals at home. In my opinion, the disadvantages of
convenience
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food
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 outweigh its advantages.
While
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 it can save time and provide
convenience
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, maintaining good health is more important in the long term.
However
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, people can still enjoy
convenience
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food
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 occasionally as part of a balanced diet.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say the good and bad sides, but the good side is short.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Explain why the good side does not win. Your last part is clear, but it can be a bit more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: start, two body parts, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more range, not only 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points need more support. Add one short result or example after each point.
task response
You answer the full question and give your opinion.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear and matches your main view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • food
  • modern
  • lifestyle
  • speed
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • time
  • busy
  • individuals
  • meals
  • quick
  • efficient
  • affordable
  • money
  • flavors
  • dishes
  • cultures
  • cooking
  • supermarkets
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