IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Noticeably, that numbers of car owners grew dramatically during the
last
Linking Words
 30 years.
However
Linking Words
, it is impossible to assert that constant transport jams shoot up
due to
Linking Words
 an increase in their number. A high concentration of economic centres illustrates the relevance of
this
Linking Words
 kind of vehicle.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main reason for heavy traffic is not a sharp increase in the number of car owners,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 event happening stably every year
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
. However
show examples
, the concentration of businesses in one urban area leads to serious issues like gridlock .Solving
this
Linking Words
 problem should be the rational organisation of economic agencies in every part of the city.
Moreover
Linking Words
, providing information about traffic rules and make them useless in all regions.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the researchers, road constructions rise from 30% to 80% per year.
Also
Linking Words
, delays increase at the same time.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government can boost taxes on transport, and pupils start to choose something cheaper, for the purpose of saving money.I can prove that
this
Linking Words
 is an effective scheme in Japanese political rules. The administration of
this
Linking Words
 country increased taxes on rent and charges on private vehicles. All in all,
this
Linking Words
 law helped to solve the
challenged
Replace the word
challenges
 in almost one year, which we tried to decrease over the 30-year period, In conclusion, automobile congestion has been worse
due to
Linking Words
 high concentration of economic stages rather than the increased auto ownership.
Additionally
Linking Words
, taxes on private vehicles are very beneficial in reducing the number of auto
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly how far you agree that more cars cause traffic jams.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph, and explain it with clear reasons.
task response
Use examples that fit the point better. Some ideas, like tax on rent or pupils, are not fully linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'because', and 'so'. Some sentences now are hard to follow.
task response
Develop your points more. Do not only state them; explain how and why they lead to traffic jams.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph order clearer: intro, reason 1, reason 2, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You try to give reasons and an example from Japan.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of traffic and cars most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: