IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often elder people. However, some says that young people can also take the lead of organization or companies. To what etxtent do you agree or disagree?

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there
Fix capitalization
There
show examples
 is no doubt that
theses
Use the right word
these
show examples
 days,
people
Use synonyms
 diverge into two different categories regarding older
workres
Correct your spelling
workers
 taking some positions at
work
Use synonyms
, manager, director, and so on, and
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
 young
workers
Use synonyms
 can take
such
Linking Words
 positions or not.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 essay will discuss both views, and will draw my personal
conclosion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand
older
Punctuation problem
, older
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people
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 have
smoe
Correct your spelling
some
 qualities that can help them take
such
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responsipilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
,
for instance
Linking Words
, their
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
according to
Linking Words
 their age,not only in the
filed
Correct your spelling
field
 of
work
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 but in general
life
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, they
unrestand pepole
Correct your spelling
understand people
 better, know how to
recrute
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recruit
workers
Use synonyms
 in different departments at
work
Use synonyms
, and can handle different situations at
work
Use synonyms
, in adiition they might have more experiance on time
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
, elder
workers
Use synonyms
 obviously have less energy, on
somany
Correct your spelling
so many
 levels,
for example
Linking Words
, emotional
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 physical
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
also
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 why some
people
Use synonyms
 might think
this
Linking Words
 way.
on the other hand
Linking Words
 young
workers
Use synonyms
 defenitly will have more energy that can enable them to
work
Use synonyms
 more hours a day than older
workers
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,
moreover
Linking Words
 working extra hours a day can really improve the
work
Use synonyms
 invioroment,
however
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
 have less experiance, and less skills in
life
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
 they might have defecalties managing their time wich can clearly affect the
work
Use synonyms
 qualities, they have a lot to handle in their
life
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, balancing the
work
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 and other aspects of
life
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in contrast
Linking Words
 with older
workers
Use synonyms
 who are clearly much more stable at
this
Linking Words
 time of their
life
Use synonyms
 and have less to think about.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
conclusion
Punctuation problem
conclusion,
show examples
 after analysing both
poitns
Correct your spelling
points
 of view,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 can really agree with
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 elder
workers
Use synonyms
 are much more
siutiable
Correct your spelling
suitable
 for
such
Linking Words
 positions.

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task response
Make your answer more clear from the start. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first part.
task response
Give one or two simple real examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain your main points more. Some ideas are good, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation, because some long sentences are hard to read.
task response
You answered the main topic and talked about both old and young leaders.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like however, moreover, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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