IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

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For
a
Correct article usage
the
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 past few decades, economic resource plays a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
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 bringing rapid advancements to a country. It is often argued that cultural values are lost in aiming to enhance quality
Use synonyms
life
Change preposition
of life
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 for
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 development has certain drawbacks, I believe that its advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages. ADMITTEDLY, economic growth can substantially contribute to uphold basic necessities of
people
Use synonyms
 and advanced healthcare facilities. Individuals who are suffering from any kind of
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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 can easily access efficient treatment without delay ,especially under privileged
people
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can allocate a lot of schemes
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as providing free homes for
lower income
Correct your spelling
lower-income
 families and increasing employment opportunities for job seekers .
For instance
Linking Words
, certain countries provided a fee education for all ages of children.
Such
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 initiatives not only strengthen
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
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 rate of
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 , but
also
Linking Words
diminishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
diminish
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parents
Check wording
parents'
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 burden on spending fees
to
Change preposition
on
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 education.
Nevertheless
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, despite
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 above, society could faces a serious drawbacks from
this
Linking Words
 approach.
one
Fix capitalization
One
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 potential dangerous problem is the lack of social cohesion and
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 communication in a country . If
people
Use synonyms
 received all their demands from their authority , it
encourages
Wrong verb form
would encourage them
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 to leads a independent
life
Use synonyms
 in
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 often avoid to communicte with other
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , online shopping
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a convenient and fast way of delivering products to our
door homes
Correct your spelling
doorsteps
.
However
Linking Words
,it encourages a lazy
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 and
prompt
Verb problem
leads
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 to health risks for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the future. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 economic growth have a capability to offer
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous benefits for
wider
Correct article usage
the wider
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 populance
such
Linking Words
 as living
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and advanced
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 management,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are disadvantages that should not be ignored .

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why good points are stronger than bad points in each body part.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each paragraph, then explain it with one simple example.
task response
Your view is there, but it is not fully clear at the end. Restate your opinion in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: intro, good points, bad points, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, but some sentences do not connect well. Use simple links like first, also, however, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order inside paragraphs. Put the main point first, then support, then example.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You include both good and bad sides of economic growth.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use paragraphs and linking words like although, additionally, and nevertheless.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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