IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average percentages in typicl meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

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The pie charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the average
amount
Use synonyms
 of three dangerous nutrients consumed by
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 in their daily meals
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat,
added
Correct word choice
and added
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
sodium
Use synonyms
 represents the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
highest consumed
amount
Use synonyms
 by society in their dinner,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the saturated fat ranked second based on the quantity consumed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the added
sugar
Use synonyms
 recorded a significant portion in
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
show examples
 snacks. Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the consumption of
Sodium
Use synonyms
,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 a leading
nutrients
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrient
show examples
 in most of the human eating habits, except for snacks and breakfast,
whereas
Linking Words
 approximately 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is
being
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
consumed
in Dinner
Change preposition
at dinner
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 a quarter of the portion, which is 29
%
Punctuation problem
%,
show examples
is being used for lunch. On the other
hands
Check wording
hand
show examples
, Most of the snacks that the public eats during the day contain a significant
amount
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
, around 42%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is almost equal to the
Use synonyms
sodium
Check wording
amount of sodium
show examples
 that
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 consumed in night meals.
While
Linking Words
 the
amount
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in the remaining meals
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
 reasonable compared to other nutrients.
However
Linking Words
, saturated fat contributed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large
amount
Use synonyms
 in the people's dinner, around 37%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, the quantity of saturated fat in the lunch meal reached to 26%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, sodium, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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