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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has changed the world in many ways Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet

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Due to
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 technology, the world is a very different place
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then
Use the right word
than
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 the past. The
internet
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 has arrived and has changed the world and how
people
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 live.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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. There are many advantages to the
internet
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. First is social
media
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,
social
Correct pronoun usage
which
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media
Use synonyms
 helps young
people
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 to gain money by making videos to watch. The type of videos
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be trips, sharing their lives and more. Many
people
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use
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 social
media
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 as their main job to gain money. Second is school, school can
use
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 the
internet
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 for
eduational
Correct your spelling
educational
 reasons like online
class
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classes
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,
makeing
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making
 homework for students and more.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 students can
use
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 the
internet
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 to find information about things they need.
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Lastly
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Lastly,
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 is commation,
people
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use
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commation
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communication
 to speak with each other
by
Change preposition
on
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 the
internet
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.
Now days
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Nowadays
people
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 make friends in games or social
medial
Use the right word
media
show examples
.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 you can speak with
people
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 at
anytime
Correct your spelling
any time
 you want
and
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, and
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 you can talk with them anywhere you want.
However
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, there are some disadvantages to the
internet
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.
First,
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the main disadvantage is
the
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that the
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internet
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 can be
expenise
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expensive
 sometimes
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, and
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also
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 in some countries
the
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, the
show examples
internet
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 is slow. Second
is
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,
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 the
internet
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 can waste time.
some
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Some
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 parents think the
internet
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 and social
media
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 waste of time
to
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for
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 their kids. It can distract students from studing
also
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 they can cheat by
useing Ai
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using AI
.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 some parents
belive
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believe
 that by
seting
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setting
 and useing
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internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
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 they do not do anything by wasting their time gaming.
Lastly
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 is cyberbullying
,
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;
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 some parents get scared
from
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of
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 someone
bully
Wrong verb form
bullying
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 their kid. Cyberbullying is when someone
bully
Correct subject-verb agreement
bullies
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 someone useing
internet
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 and they can
anooy
Correct your spelling
annoy
 them or make them sad.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
Use synonyms
people sometimes
Correct word order
people who get bullied sometimes find themselves dying
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people
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 who get bullied they found them died later by killing
them self
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themselves
. In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
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 has provided multiple advantages to society.
However
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, it is
also
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 a fact that the
internet
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 has some disadvantages.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides, so this is good. But some ideas are too general. Add one clear example for each main point.
task response
For task response, explain your ideas more. For example, say how online class helps students, or how cyberbullying can hurt people.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. But some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. You use First, Second, Lastly, and However well, but some parts need smoother links between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence group. In some places, many ideas are in one long part, so the reader may get lost.
task response
You wrote about both advantages and disadvantages, so you answered the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the topic clearly, and your conclusion gives a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraphing, with one paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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