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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should increase taxes on unhealthy food. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 keep saying that the
government
Use synonyms
 should increase taxes on unhealthy
food
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 for several reasons . From my point of view, it has two sides , but in
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 I disagree , and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss
this
Linking Words
 matter from multiple points of view . On one hand,
people
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 won’t accept that the
government
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 raises the tax on unhealthy
food
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, because many
people
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 need it, as an example ,
people
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 who can’t
cook
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 ether who
don’t
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 have much
time
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 because of
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 job or work on a
late-shift
Correct your spelling
late shift
,
also
Linking Words
people
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 who
don’t
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 even know how to
cook
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 or
don’t
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 like cooking . I remember back
then
Linking Words
 when I was studying English in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, I used to eat fast
food
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 all the
time
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 for many reasons ,
firstly
Linking Words
 it's cheaper and faster than cooking at home ,
secondly
Linking Words
 I didn’t have a place to
cook
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 in .
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 eating unhealthy
food
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 is that it is delicious .
Don’t
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 forget specially when you are a student, you won’t have much
time
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 to
cook
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 for yourself , that’s why fast and unhealthy
food
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 will be your first and only option .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the unhealthy
food
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 has brought us a lot of diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer and diabetes .
According to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research made from some doctors , 70٪ of diseases come from unhealthy
food
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 . The
government
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 are worried about
people
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’s health, they aren’t increasing it , looking for money, they are doing that to keep
people
Use synonyms
 away from unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 ,
this
Linking Words
 is their duty . I can remember two months ago, I was preparing for my final exams and had almost no
time
Use synonyms
 to
cook
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 , so I kept eating
fast
Punctuation problem
fast,
show examples
 unhealthy
food
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 to focus on studying and save some
time
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 to study . What was the result ? I got poisoned , and didn’t do well on the exams . Our body needs healthy
food
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 to do better .
Finally
Linking Words
 , after deep thinking, I believe that the
government
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 should let
people
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 be aware of the risk of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
Instead
Linking Words
 of raising up the taxes ,
also
Linking Words
 make healthy
food
Use synonyms
 cheaper so
people
Use synonyms
 can afford it .

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you disagree, and keep this idea the same in the whole essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but some are not developed enough.
task response
Use examples that directly support your opinion. Personal stories are fine, but connect them more clearly to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraphs more balanced. The first body paragraph is much longer than the second one.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You include examples from real life, which makes your essay more interesting.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'Finally' help guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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