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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph and the table show the average monthly tempetatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities

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The line graph illustrates the average monthly temperatures in
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
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 and
Sydney
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,
while
Linking Words
 the table provides information about the total annual
hours
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 of
sunshine
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 in these cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, New
York
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 experienced the greatest fluctuation in temperature throughout the year,
whereas
Linking Words
Sydney
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 showed an opposite seasonal pattern.
In addition
Linking Words
, New
York
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 and
Sydney
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 recorded significantly more
sunshine
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hours
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 than
London
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. In New
York
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, the average temperature was approximately 5
°C
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 in January. It
then
Linking Words
 rose steadily, reaching a peak of around 29
°C
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 in July, before declining gradually to about 5
°C
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 again in December.
London
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 followed a similar trend,
although
Linking Words
 the changes were less dramatic. Temperatures in
London
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 increased from roughly 8
°C
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 in January to a high of about 23
°C
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 in July and August, after which they fell to around 8
°C
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 by the end of the year.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Sydney
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 displayed a reverse pattern. The temperature was highest at approximately 26
°C
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 in January and December, but it decreased gradually to its lowest point of around 16
°C
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 in July. After that, it rose steadily during the remaining months. Regarding
sunshine
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hours
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, New
York
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 recorded the highest figure, at 2,535
hours
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 per year.
Sydney
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 ranked second with 2,473
hours
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, a number very close to that of New
York
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. In comparison,
London
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 received only 1,180
hours
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 of
sunshine
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 annually, which was less than half the totals recorded in the other two cities.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, york, sydney, hours, sunshine, °c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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