Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is through education. What to extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
people
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get a strong argument that the most valid method to decrease
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate is through education.I partly agree.
This
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essay will explain why I agree and how much I agree with
this
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opinion. First of all, I think education is a necessary way to reduce
crime
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, especially for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers whose values
not
Verb problem
have not
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yet
formed
Verb problem
been formed
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.
Moreover
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,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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also
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an effective and gentle way to teach
people
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things right or wrong and how important that abidance by laws.
Nevertheless
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,
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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to reduce
crime
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not
Verb problem
is not
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only
school’s
Correct article usage
the school’s
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responsibility,but
also
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significant for the
government
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.
For example
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,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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should pay more attention
in advertisement
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to advertisements
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or TV shows,cause some
advertisement
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advertisements
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or TV shows will broadcast some
bloodiness
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violent
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and
violence
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bloody
content,
eroticism
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erotic
content…
However
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,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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can
also
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use TV and
advertisement
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advertising
to
publicity
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promote
some positive content that
warning
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warns
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people
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make
Verb problem
to make
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less
crime
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and observe laws.
Last
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but not least,
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government
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the government
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can spend more
vigor
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vigour
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,money and time to support
citizen’s
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citizens’
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mental health
,it
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. It
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is
wildly recognized
Correct word order
widely recognised
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that some
people
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who made
crime
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didn’t pay attention
that they got issues of mental health
Correct word order
to their mental health issues,
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so
that
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apply
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they made
crime
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.Cause with the development of society,
people
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get heavier pressure
and
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, and
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it
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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the risks for
people
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to have issues in mental health.
Overall
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,from my point of view,
decrease
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decreasing
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the
crime
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rate is the whole society‘s duty,education is one of the most effective
method
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methods,
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but
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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play more important role
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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I partly agree that education is the best way to reduce
crime
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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I hope one day citizens will have a society full of peace and love without any
crime
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in a direct way.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are good, but they need more support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question and give your position: you partly agree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You include more than one reason, like school, media, and mental health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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