IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are moving to cities, causing overcrowding and other problems. What are the causes of this trend and what measures can be taken to solve these problems?

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Currently urbanisation level is continuously increasing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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 is bringing some problems
including
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, including
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 overpopulation.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are convincing reasons for
this
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 trend.
This
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 essay explains those reasons and gives some opinions about how problems should be tackled. One of the most prominent reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 population increase in
cities
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 is better job opportunities. Indeed, in most urban
areas
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, it is obvious that
people
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 can find a job with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary, experienced
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 and working
areas
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 in good condition. But, in rural
areas
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especially
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, especially
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 in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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, these advantages
usually
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are usually
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may
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apply
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not
be
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apply
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seen and
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
do not
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 appeal to
people
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and
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 try to search
a
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for a
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job
from
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in
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cities
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. Another reason is living facilities that are convenient and
well-fournished
Correct your spelling
well-furnished
. In appartments of
cities
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 today are noticeably comfortable to live.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 there are many entertainment places to walk around with family and entertain on holidays.
This
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 is why
,
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apply
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people
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 prefer to move to
cities
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 and live in perfect
condition
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conditions
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.
However
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,
permanent
Correct article usage
a permanent
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 influx of
people
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 might
cause
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lead
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 to overpopulation in urban
areas
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.
This
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 leads to
shortage
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a shortage
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 of resources because
,
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apply
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 more inhabitants means more resources and places. In order to solve the problem, a number of jobs should be created by moving some factories or establishing new branches there. What is more, more houses and amusement parks
in
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of
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 good quality should be constructed.
As a consequence
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 of that
local
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, local
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people
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 do not have to move to other
cities
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 to work.
To sum up
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, establishing new jobs, better living facilities
and
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, and
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 entertainment
areas
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 can be
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 solution to
preserve
Verb problem
prevent
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 overcrowding in
cities
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes well, but the solutions part is short.
task response
Add one more clear solution and explain how it solves city crowding.
task response
Use more specific examples, like jobs, housing, transport, or schools.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are not linked well. Use simple link words like because, so, also, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with one clear explanation and one example.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions, so you address the task.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see: jobs and better living in cities are the key causes.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs for different ideas, which helps the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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