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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

While some think that art is an important subject for children too study, others think it is waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Art
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 is a powerful way of expressing emotions, ideas, and experiences through paintings, sculptures, music, movies, plays, and poems.
While
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 some believe
art
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 is an important part of
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum as it teaches self-expression, others argue it is a waste of time.
This
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 essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe it is an essential
subject
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subject,
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 as it instructs children to express their feelings and builds creativity. ​One of the primary reasons why many
people
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 favour
art
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 as a part of
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum is that children learn how to portray their ideas in a way that sometimes words cannot define. It is largely because, through
art
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,
people
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 can unlock a whole new way of perceiving the world. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in
individuals
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 with a natural eye for
art
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as
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, as
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 they can interpret any form of artwork with a perspective different from the general public.
Therefore
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, it is evident that fine
art
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 can make young
people
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 keen observers and expressionists. ​
Although
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 it is true that artwork builds creativity among young learners, critics argue that it is a waste of time. A key factor behind
this
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 view is that not everyone is naturally artistic.
Art
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 can be particularly pointless for the public which has no interest in the various interpretations of an artistic piece, or maybe the whole idea of
art
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 itself.
Such
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 a situation can be observed in the case of students who are more fascinated by engineering
,
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apply
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 or mechanical systems; abstract concepts
such
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 as
art
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 may feel impractical to
such
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individuals
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.
Hence
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,
people
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 who find solace in more practical things may find
art
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as
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apply
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meaningless. ​In conclusion,
art
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 is a powerful form of self-expression for naturally artistic
individuals
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,
whereas
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 other
people
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 may think of it
being
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as
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 impractical.
Overall
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, despite the topic being highly debatable,
art
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 benefits
individuals
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 by serving as an outlet for emotional expression and stress relief.

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task response
For task response, give a more clear opinion in the introduction. You say your view, but it can be more direct.
task response
For task response, develop your ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but they need more full explanation.
task response
For task response, use more specific examples. Your examples are a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is good, but a few ideas feel too general or not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check word choice and grammar because small errors can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like while, therefore, although, and overall.
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