Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people's nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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think that nutrition and
food
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choices of the public should be controlled by the
government
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in order to
improvise
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improve
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their health
,
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;
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however
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, others believe that the
state
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should not interfere with the meal choices of individuals. The
state
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by
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, by
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making laws on nutitions can save financial resources that were to allocate in curing the sick
people
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,
whereas
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,
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apply
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people
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carry
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have
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the right to live and have the right to decide their own intakes.
Healthcare
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consumes a significant portion of
government
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expenditure. A large share of
this
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funding is spent on treating
people
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suffering from diet-related illnesses
such
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as diabetes, obesity, and thyroid disorders.
For example
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, the Indian
government
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spends millions of dollars each year on
subsidizing
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subsidising
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medications and
healthcare
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services for patients with chronic diseases. These financial resources could
instead
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be invested in other important sectors,
such
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as education and infrastructure.
Therefore
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, supporters of
government
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intervention argue that regulating
people
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's dietary habits could reduce the prevalence of
such
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diseases and lower public
healthcare
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costs. There should be free will for the
people
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to decide
themselves
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for themselves
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what
food
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they intend to
intake
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consume
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. There may be circumstances where some
people
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are careful in taking
high calories
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high-calorie
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intake, but they
also
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do physical activities to maintain their health. For
such
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people
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, it would be disastrous to have their meals restricted by the
state
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.
Additionally
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, there are more efficient ways to handle
the
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apply
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healthcare
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rather than restricting the dietary plans of
the
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apply
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individuals. There may be circumstances under which the
state
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will spend even more
in
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on
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making
analysis
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an analysis
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of the
food
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plans of the public than on
medical
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the medical
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sector.
Therefore
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, I would suggest that
people
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should have the freedom of choice in making
such
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decisions. In conclusion,
although
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it is the duty of the
government
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to take care of its monetary sector by controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sectors
such
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as
food
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consumption of
people
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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put
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has
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an adverse effect on
the
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apply
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healthcare
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, it
also
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has to choose a minimal impairment method of doing
it
Correct pronoun usage
so
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by not controlling what
people
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consume but rather
focus
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focusing
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on what can be controlled efficiently.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The first side is clear, but the second side needs a bit more full support.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
Use more direct examples to support each main idea. One real or simple example for each body part would help.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because of long or unclear sentences. Use shorter sentences with one main idea each.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used, but sometimes they sound forced or not natural. Use simple links like first, also, however, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Keep paragraph focus tighter. Each paragraph should have one clear main point and then explain it.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so you answer the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
The example about public health cost in India helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health concern
  • legislative measures
  • obesity rates
  • healthcare costs
  • unhealthy ingredients
  • mandatory nutritional labeling
  • junk food advertising
  • consumer choices
  • dietary choices
  • personal responsibility
  • autonomy
  • interference
  • government overreach
  • authoritarianism
  • root causes
  • accessibility to healthy food
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