IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes man health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree

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sugary drinks. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the government should make these
products
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 more expensive. In my opinion, making them more expensive will not change the reality a lot, but it is an uplifting step to stop these
products
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. In fact, if you want the community to stop something, you should give them
others
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something else
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, making the unhealthy
products
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 more expensive can stop the poor
people
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 from buying them, but the middle and upper middle or rich societies will stop for a
while
Linking Words
. In fact, the solution is not making the
products
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 more expensive. The government should teach the community how much these
products
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 damage their health.
Furthermore
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, it kills their bodies
in addition
Linking Words
 to their mental health.
For example
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, sweets make the sugar in the blood go up fast and come down fast; that makes the body tired and uncomfortable.
Moreover
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,
people
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 cannot stop these
products
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 forever; they need something the same. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 is not impossible; you can eat fruit if you need sweets. In another example, if you want to eat fast food, you can do it
in your
Change preposition
at
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 home. In reality, the problem is not in the main dish, but in the quantity of sugar and oil the restaurants use. In conclusion, making unhealthy
products
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 more expensive can assist, but it cannot solve the problem.
Therefore
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, the solution is
telling
Wrong verb form
to tell
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people
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 how much these
products
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 damage their health and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 them other ways to eat what they want.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you disagree, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how higher price may help or may not help, with clearer reasons.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and easy to link to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat. Try to avoid saying the same point again in different words.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'for example' should match the idea exactly.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph plan with beginning, middle, and end.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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