IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information about the way in which water was used in different countries in 2000.

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The assigned pie chart illustrates the
water
Use synonyms
usage
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 patterns across three sectors
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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agriculture
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, domestic, and industry,
while
Linking Words
 the bar graph provides the information about
water
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 used by the same three sectors in different countries in the year 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
agriculture
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 accounted for
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 proportion of used
water
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least amount of
water
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 was used in domestic
purposes
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. Most of the
water
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 was spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 agricultural
purposes
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 in China and India
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, an opposite pattern was observed in Canada, where
industries
Use synonyms
 used
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
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 amounts of
water
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. Turning to the breakdown of worldwide
water
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usage
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 patterns,
agriculture
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 accounted for by far the largest proportion at 70%.
Industries
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 represented the second largest contributors in terms of
water
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 expenditure at about 22%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least amount of
water
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 was used
in
Change preposition
for
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 domestic
purposes
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. Regarding the patterns of
water
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 being used in four selected countries, India spent most of its
water
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 in agricultural
usage
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, with approximately 92% shares,
whereas
Linking Words
 marginal quantities of
water
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 were spent in industrial and domestic
purposes
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. The opposite pattern can be observed in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of Canada, where
industries
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 used almost 80% of the
water
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 resources. In China, the major contributor was, once again,
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
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 sector at 69%, followed by industrial and domestic
usage
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 at 22% and 9%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, in New Zealand,
agriculture
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 and
industries
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 used almost the same quantities of
water
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, approximately fractions being 44% and 46%, respectively. Only about 10% of the
water
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 was used in household activities.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, usage, agriculture, purposes, industries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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