IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, the older generation were a source of knowledge and experience. Nowadays, the older generation have little understanding or experience of the modern world. Has this had any negative impact on the way the elderly are treated by society and the family? What could be done to solve this situation?

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In
present
Correct article usage
the present
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time
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
life
Use synonyms
 has changed many things in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 way. The society and family are mistreating
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 for the same reason.
This
Linking Words
 essay will review the negative impact and
solution
Correct article usage
the solution
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 for
this
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 situation. The negative treatment is
the
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apply
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one of
aspects
Correct article usage
the aspects
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Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
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 issue,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 how is the society
shows
Rephrase
sometimes shows
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 less respect for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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some times
Rephrase
apply
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.
For example
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, if the old
people
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 can't
understood
Wrong verb form
understand
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 how to deal with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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social media or how to use
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, they will face less respect for
misunderstanding
Correct determiner usage
their misunderstanding
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.
Furthermore
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, nowadays most
new
Correct determiner usage
of the new
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 generation need less
for
Change preposition
from the
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 elderly than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
because they are not a source of knowledge and experience anymore. Recently,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
is
Wrong verb form
has become
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 the first path for searching and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 information.
In addition
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, the families are a part of
this
Linking Words
 problem when they don't take care of the relationship with their
old
Correct word choice
older
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people
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 and
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
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 the communication between them, because they are not
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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 in modern
life
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that's why
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is a massive gap between those two generations.
For instance
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,
in the
Change preposition
during
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time
Use synonyms
 of family visits
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 young adults had their own
time
Use synonyms
 together
far
Punctuation problem
, far
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the
Change preposition
from the
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 elderly. To solve those situations, communities should find ways to make both generations closer to each
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 should have courses for learning about
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and social media.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will find topics to share with
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation and talk about
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, talk show programs could be a solution to transfer the knowledge from young
people
Use synonyms
 to
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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, to keep them
on
Change preposition
in
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 touch with
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 new things in modern
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
life
Use synonyms
 is changing faster than
people
Use synonyms
 expect it, and they have to follow the flow to
booste
Correct your spelling
boost
 their abilities.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about bad treatment and give some ways to help, but the ideas need more depth.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Each body part should have one clear point, then explain it step by step.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your ideas are relevant, but examples should be more clear and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well, so the reader must work hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point better. A few ideas are good, but they need fuller explanation.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss both the problem and solutions.
task response
You give examples about social media, the internet, and family visits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses paragraphs, with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
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