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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.

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There is no denying the fact that the world is becoming more developed every year, and technology is becoming more widespread among
people
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits of machines replacing many of the
tasks
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 we do at home and work ,
as well as
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 the problems
this
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 may cause.
To begin
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 with, there are many benefits to machines performing
tasks
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 and giving
people
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 more leisure
time
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 have more
time
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 to spend with their families and take care of their children because many routine
tasks
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 take up a large amount of their
time
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. Morever prevent them from doing more important activities.
In other words
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, machines help
people
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 save precious
time
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 and
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 it more effectively.
For example
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, many families cannot spend quality
time
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 together because they have
to
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too
show examples
 many responsibilities and household
tasks
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some proplems from having leisure
time
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 because
people
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 may become lazy and unhealthy, which could increase health problems. It is
also
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 possible to say that some
people
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 may not use the free
time
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 wisely and may engage in activities that
negativaly
Correct your spelling
negatively
 affect their health or the well-being of others.
For instance
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, some
people
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 may develop unhealthy habits,
such
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 as eating too much fast food, which can
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to laziness
poor
Correct word choice
and poor
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 health. In conclusion,having more free
time
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 offers many benefits ,
such
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 as allowing
people
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 to
exercises
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
 more and spend
time
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 with their families.
However
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, if
people
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 do not use their free
time
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 wisely, they can engage in harmful activities that can negatively affect
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 and the environment.

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task response
Write a clearer answer to both parts. Say more about the good points and the problems.
task response
Add one more clear idea for benefits and one more clear idea for problems.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like firstly, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You answered both parts of the question: benefits and problems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are easy to follow, especially about family time and health.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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