IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues.

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The desire for financial and economic interest is often seen as the driving force of
innovation
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, some claim that
innovation
Use synonyms
 ought to be directed towards tackling more societal and ecological challenges.
This
Linking Words
 essay will put forward an idea that
innovation
Use synonyms
 could serve
for
Change preposition
apply
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both sides, if it is well managed. Technological advancements are always appealing
for
Change preposition
to
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 entrepreneurs or governments.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact that finding an innovative solution to a particular problem could meet their commercial interests.
On the other hand
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, an innovative intervention itself requires funding from businesspeople or the authority, which means
without
Correct word choice
that without
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 investment
Use synonyms
innovation
Punctuation problem
, innovation
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 does not occur. To illustrate, Elon Musk has made a significant profit from the sale of Tesla cars, and
channeled
Change the spelling
channelled
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 that money into another company, SpaceX, which
is specialized
Wrong verb form
specialises
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 in exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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space. From a humanitarian perspective, benefiting from
innovation
Use synonyms
 only for accumulating wealth, without concern about social and environmental challenges, poses a serious threat to the communities. To be more precise, it might dramatically widen the gap between social classes. Another critical concern is that if environmental issues remain neglected, it
definitely
Verb problem
will definitely
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leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to irreversible climatic degradation. In India,
for example
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,
although
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 the movie and IT industries are well-developed, the population is divided into two groups
,
Punctuation problem
:
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 the rich living in
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
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 lifestyle and the poor who do not even have basic life necessities like shelter and food.
Furthermore
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, ecology is not in good condition in
this
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 country,
due to
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 poorly structured cities. Taking everything into consideration, I firmly believe that
innovation
Use synonyms
 could not appear without financial interest, but a particular part of the profit should cover social and ecological concerns. That way
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 commercial and social expectations could be fulfilled.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that innovation should make money and also help people and the earth.
task response
Explain your middle idea more. Your view is clear, but some parts need more detail about how profit can support social and green goals.
task response
Use examples that link more closely to your point. The Tesla and SpaceX example shows profit, but it does not strongly show social or environmental help.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each body paragraph. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Add clearer linking between sentences. Some ideas move too fast, so use simple links like first, also, in contrast, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one full explanation and one clear example.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and a closing part.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pursuit of profit
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • efficiency
  • consumer experiences
  • job creation
  • standard of living
  • sustainability
  • global challenges
  • renewable energy technologies
  • climate change
  • quality of life
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • underserved populations
  • socio-economic groups
  • balanced approach
  • social and environmental impacts
  • long-term sustainability
  • socially and environmentally responsible products
  • consumer preference
  • societal goals
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