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Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, many people
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
show examples
 that employees should
work
Use synonyms
 fewer days and enjoy longer weekends. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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workers
Use synonyms
 must have
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
 working
week
Use synonyms
 to increase productivity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide supportive reasons for my point of view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, reducing working days can positively affect employees’ physical and mental health.
Recently
Punctuation problem
Recently,
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work
Use synonyms
 environments are often stressful and require
workers
Use synonyms
 to spend long
hours
Use synonyms
 completing tasks and meeting deadlines.
As a result
Linking Words
, many people experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
overall
Linking Words
 energy and have little
time
Use synonyms
 for rest or family life.
For example
Linking Words
, a father who is busy at
work
Use synonyms
 for 12
hours
Use synonyms
5
Punctuation problem
, 5
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days a
Use synonyms
week
Punctuation problem
week,
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 loses concentration on his own children.
While
Linking Words
 a longer weekend would allow
workers
Use synonyms
 to
drop down
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 stress, recover,
Linking Words
moreover
Correct word choice
and
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families. That means,
workers
Use synonyms
 with relaxed minds spend enough
time
Use synonyms
 at home and provide quality
time
Use synonyms
 with families.
Secondly
Linking Words
, shortening
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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productivity
Change preposition
in productivity
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 rather than
reducing
Replace the word
a reduction in
 it.
While
Linking Words
 employees are less tired, they deliver better focus on completing their
work
Use synonyms
 with high efficiency
Check wording
apply
show examples
performance
Use synonyms
. Some companies that implemented a shorter working plan reported even better
performance
Use synonyms
 compared to longer
hours
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a worker who is with
high value
Correct your spelling
high-value
 raw material,
such
Linking Words
 as diamond diggers, will have higher concentration digging and reaching for
diamond
Check wording
diamonds
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 during his first working
hours
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it will decrease in the remaining
hours
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, swapping the exhausted
workers
Use synonyms
 with
another
Correct determiner usage
a
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 fresh one will keep the operation’s
performance
Use synonyms
 running on higher
performance
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that
workers
Use synonyms
 should have a shorter working
week
Use synonyms
 and a longer weekend because
this
Linking Words
 can improve health, create a better
work
Use synonyms
–life balance, and increase productivity.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Add more direct and real examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain how each example proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that are short and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point with different words.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow in order.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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