IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same right as human, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including food and experiments. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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First of all , we can all agree that harming animals is not a good thing ,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
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people that are saying animals can have the same rights as humans
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 some kind of sense , in the fact that we
all are
Correct word order
are all
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 living creatures . The others that are saying humans should satisfy their various needs are
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 some regards
right
Punctuation problem
, right
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 . My point of view
to
Change preposition
on
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 the discussion is that it is okay to eat animals as long as you give them a
mercuful
Correct your spelling
merciful
 death .

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task response
Write more. This essay is too short, so your ideas do not grow well.
task response
Answer all parts of the task. You need both views and your own opinion.
task response
Add clear reasons and one or two simple examples for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: intro, one part for view 1, one part for view 2, and a short end.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and in my view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea only.
task response
You give your own opinion clearly at the end.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of animals and human use.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic start, middle, and end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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