IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Leaders of all kinds are often younger now than in the past. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Leading is one of the most essential things in everything within our lives,
ethier
Correct your spelling
either
 if it was within work life
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as team projects, or in our personal
ife
Correct your spelling
life
,
such
Linking Words
 as home management. In these paragraphs, I will be discussing more about the work life management
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and why leaders
now are
Correct word order
are now
show examples
 mostly younger than in the past. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 happening
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that we need to empower the next generation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and help them get the experience of leading, since they are the future of the country. In my opinion, it's a positive development.
because
Fix capitalization
Because
show examples
 leading is
such
Linking Words
 an important thing, and younger leaders must have enough knowledge about it.
Also
Linking Words
, younger
people
Use synonyms
 are more
flixable
Correct your spelling
flexible
 with new technologies,
for example
Linking Words
, they can use AI to make management better,
while
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 are used to
handle
Wrong verb form
handling
show examples
 things in traditional ways, as they won't prefer trying new things. It largely depends on the person
itself
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
, rather
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 seeing if
he is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
 young or old, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 see it as the leading chartristics is mostly more
copatible
Correct your spelling
compatible
 within younger
people
Use synonyms
. We can see that leading now is much better, since younger
people
Use synonyms
 are leading companies, and even in college, if you compare between projects
whithin
Correct your spelling
within
 the
bachlour
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
 degree and the
master
Check wording
master's
show examples
degree
Punctuation problem
degree,
show examples
 you will see that
bachlour
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
 is most successfull.
Finally
Linking Words
, leading is the key to any successful plan, and no one should ever take it as an optional step. It is
such
Linking Words
 a beautiful feeling when your plan works well, and the main reason is good
leading
Replace the word
leadership
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully: give clear reasons why leaders are younger now, and explain more why this is good or bad.
task response
Use main ideas with support. After each main point, add a short reason or example.
task response
Your examples are not strong enough. Use real and clear examples, such as tech companies, schools, or public life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic order: intro, body, and end. This is good, but each paragraph should have one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly with words like first, also, however, for example, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well, so the reader may feel lost. Make sure each sentence follows the one before it.
task response
You clearly give your opinion that this is a positive development.
task response
You try to answer the question about reasons and opinion, not only one part.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: