IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In some cities, public parks and open spaces are turned into gardens for local residents to grow their fruits and vegetables. There are advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 development,
such
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 as everything in our lives
dose
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does
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, but there must be one that outweighs the other, and I will discuss
this
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situation
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 in the next paragraphs. First of all, in my opinion, yes, the advantages
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the
disadvantages
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.
since
Fix capitalization
Since
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 it's open spaces,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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if it's turned into gardens, it would be a more useful place, and there will always be another open space if needed. And of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 there are some
disadvantages
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,
such
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 as the
numbers
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number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public parks in the
city
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; it would be rare to find a park for your kids to play, or to walk in, but you will find it eventually. Local residents are essential in every
city
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, since they help in the economic and
overall
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situation
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 in every
city
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, so it's important to make them feel comfortable, healthy, and have the best resources
such
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 as
frutis
Correct your spelling
fruits
 and vegetables, and gardens to walk in.
Also
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, there is always a difference between how residents and normal people are living, so
this
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 is a normal
situation
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 to
hapeen
Correct your spelling
happen
, and people must live with it.
To conclude
Linking Words
, we always have to see and
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
 on the good things even if the most awful
situation
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 is happening, and
this
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 development is not affecting the people living in
this
Linking Words
city
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 directly, so, even if we will face some
disadvantages
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, I see it mostly helpful.

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task response
Give a clearer answer from the start and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Say why city food gardens help people, and why losing parks can be a problem.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some sentences now jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each point grows step by step.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like First of all, Also, and To conclude.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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