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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children’s time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give our own opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the
curriculum
Use synonyms
 for all school-age
children
Use synonyms
. Others think that
children
Use synonyms
’s time is better spent on more academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. Discuss both views and give our own opinion. There is an argument
in
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apply
show examples
between two statements, which is the most appropriate way of learning system is an inclusive physical education of learning materials for all the students, regardless
their
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of their
show examples
 age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that need to
more
Verb problem
be more
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 considerate
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academic
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics, science, geography, and ect. In my opinion, I believe that all
the
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apply
show examples
children
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 must have experiences
with
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apply
show examples
based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
classroom
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 learning.
Specially
Use the right word
Especially
show examples
people
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 who
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
 a frame, always generate ideas of thinking about their
children
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’s professions in future,
this
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 begins when
children
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 learn in preschools all the time. Their parents have a concept that
children
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 should learn specifically academic, rather than participate on extra
curriculum
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activities
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. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, most
people
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 in Asian countries have been recorded and proved from the
researches
Check wording
research
show examples
, where the
children
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between age two and five
also
Linking Words
 need to study
on
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apply
show examples
academic
subjects
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Punctuation problem
, kind
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kind of
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 complicated mathematics exercises and do some experiments related to
the
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apply
show examples
science.
However
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, considering
about
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 growth and holistic development, there
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be
included some
Correct word order
some activities included
show examples
activities
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 in physical
interact
Replace the word
interaction
 with other
children
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, and they should participate extra
curriculum
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activities
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 to enhance their creative thinking abilities. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, in Australia,
USA
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the USA
show examples
 and other European countries tend to have daily physical
classroom
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 learning base for
children
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages, the main point of
this
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 is
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 need to facilitate
children
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 with
hand on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
 experiences, which they
able
Verb problem
are able
show examples
 to learn by themselves. In conclusion, there are some conflicts between learning styles, as most of the
people
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 believe that
children
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 should concentrate more
about the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 academic learning,
while
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other parties
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 argue that
children
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 need to learn with play based and must have physical
classroom
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 experiences.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I suggest that doubtfully,
children
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 need to have daily
classroom
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activities
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 and other
extra
Replace the word
extracurricular
curriculum
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activities
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along with
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 their academic
subjects
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why PE is good, and why some people want more study time.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way in the intro and keep it the same in the end.
task response
Add one or two clear examples that are easy to understand and closely linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: intro, one side, the other side, your opinion, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea one clear topic sentence, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like however, also, for example, as a result, and in conclusion.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your opinion.
task response
You include examples from different countries, which helps your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic flow from one paragraph to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • academic subjects
  • health and fitness
  • obesity
  • cognitive function
  • teamwork
  • social skills
  • academic performance
  • standardized testing
  • career prospects
  • lifelong appreciation
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • focus and concentration
  • core subjects
  • limited resources
What to do next:
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