The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued that
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science
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scientific
improvements
is
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are
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more advantageous to human beings' lives than
it is
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they are
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to other aspects. I completely agree with
this
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opinion
and
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, and
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that scientists have made our
life
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lives
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easier by focusing on our needs. First of all, I believe that enhancing scientific knowledge in the medical field will have positive outcomes. Doctors rely on
science
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heavily
and
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, and
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they work hard to reduce diseases
,
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apply
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that cause death to patients
,
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by doing experiments and
researchers
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research
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.
For example
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, if they aim to find cures for illnesses, they will have to focus on how to improve
science
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in order to
service
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serve
us.
That is
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why I think that
science
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's main priority should be to make individuals live with
statifaction
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satisfaction
and happiness without
otherthinking
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thinking
about negative issues.
Secondly
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, as our world is globalising, more positive changes are needed
to
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in
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science
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in order to save our environment from detrimental effects. The planet is suffering from reckless and selfish behaviours that can be stopped by doing scientific work.
For instance
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, the discovery of inventions
such
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as
stainless-steal
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stainless-steel
bottles that prevent water pollution and the killing of sea creatures
,
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apply
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can help us greatly. If the purpose is to improve other things
,
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apply
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that are not related to people, environmental disasters may appear.
Thus
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,
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science improving
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scientific improvement
will result in
excelling
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improving
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people's lives.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that human beings are more crucial than animals or technology.
Science
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's goal, in my opinion, should be to help us and to give us a sense of fulfilment.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say why you agree, and also show that you understand other aims of science.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some lines are hard to follow, so use short and clear sentences.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and more closely linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. At times, the jump from one idea to the next is too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point more fully. A few ideas are too general and need one more clear reason or example.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
You use two main body paragraphs, and each one has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You include a conclusion that repeats your main view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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