IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below show the consumption of three spreads (margarine, butter, low fat & reduced spreads) from 1981 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three different
Use synonyms
butter
Check wording
types of butter
show examples
 which are taken by
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1981 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
from
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apply
show examples
the comparison of the data gives. There are big
changed
Replace the word
changes
 from
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
 of three spreads has been decline and
rise up
Verb problem
risen
show examples
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 fluctuated.
However
Linking Words
, one of
butter
Use synonyms
 is became famouse in the
end
Use synonyms
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it was dropped down again
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
 of time. First of all,
butter
Use synonyms
 is the most
consumption
Replace the word
consumed,
 and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
160 grams
in1986
Correct your spelling
in 1986
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
magarine
Correct your spelling
magnesium
 was decreased in 1986,
approximatelt
Correct your spelling
approximately
 20 grams.
However
Linking Words
,
butter
Use synonyms
 is extremely declined to
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it seem likes never
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 back up.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
magarine
Correct your spelling
margarine
 spread was increased and
remaining
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 on
table
Correct article usage
the table
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 till 1996. Alongside
this
Linking Words
, both of spread are fell to
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
show examples
 part
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the
end
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
low fat
Correct your spelling
low-fat
 spread has been popular
1996
Change preposition
since 1996
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was significantley rose
up
Change preposition
to
show examples
 80 grams from the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 in 2001 and
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to 70
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words butter, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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