IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crimes prevention, while others believe that it is responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

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One of
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
leader
Check wording
leader's
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 tasks is to protect its
residents
Use synonyms
. Governments
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the criteria that could count as a leader,
that is
Linking Words
 why their task is
protect
Verb problem
to protect
show examples
residents
Use synonyms
. But
then
Linking Words
 again, the comparison between government members and
residents
Use synonyms
 is 1:1000. So they can not focus on each
Use synonyms
residents
Fix the agreement mistake
resident
show examples
 and make sure
their
Use the right word
they're
show examples
 safe, but they can make the
environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
 safer so the
residents
Use synonyms
 will feel safe.

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task response
Write about both sides, not only one side.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Add one more body part and a short end part.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words like first, also, however, and in the end.
task response
Explain each main idea with a reason or an example.
task response
You stay on the topic of crime and safety.
task response
Your main idea is clear: the government should help keep people safe.
coherence and cohesion
There is some basic flow from one idea to the next.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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