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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

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The line graph illustrates a comparison between
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 and residential
phone
Use synonyms
 services in average annual
during
Check wording
usage during
show examples
 the period from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data shows that
cell
Use synonyms
 phones have become more
expenditure
Replace the word
expensive
 than what is on at the beginning. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2006 both of them had the same annual average.
While
Linking Words
cell
Use synonyms
 phones record
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 values, residential
phone
Use synonyms
 services displayed
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 pattern.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
cell
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
Correct subject-verb agreement
phones
show examples
 have been popular every year after.
In addition
Linking Words
, after
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
 the
used for
Replace the word
use of
cell
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
Check wording
phones
show examples
 has
faster increase
Correct word order
increased faster
show examples
 with no
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
 in
it is used
Replace the word
its use
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to high annual
spend
Replace the word
spending
.
Finally
Linking Words
, from 2002 to 2003 and from 2007 to 2008 faced less used than usual.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it
evident
Verb problem
is evident
show examples
 that residential
phone
Use synonyms
 services lossed the popularity
of using at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010
as the most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as it was
decreased
Punctuation problem
decreased,
show examples
 it didn’t reach more
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 half of the annual average
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 at 2001
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 with around $6900 and at 2010 became around $4000.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cell, phone with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average annual spending
  • consumer expenditure
  • cell phone services
  • residential phone services
  • line graph
  • compare
  • increase
  • go up
  • rise steadily
  • fall steadily
  • drop
  • become higher than
  • almost the same
  • reach
  • from 2001 to 2010
  • overall
  • in contrast
  • while
  • whereas
  • figure
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