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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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There is no denying the fact that listening to songs is a better way to enjoy yourself and helps reduce stress by dancing to their rhythm.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that some
people
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 say that
music
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 is the most effective way of bringing members of society together of different cultural backgrounds and ages together, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
music
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 collects various
cultures
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 and ages together.
To begin
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 with,
music
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 brings
people
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 from diverse cultural backgrounds together because
music
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 is global no need to translate.
In other words
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,
people
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 in different countries listening to the same song find it enjoyable.
Moreover
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 , festivals and concerts bring
people
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 from different
cultures
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, and help to understand others and appreciate
cultures
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.
For example
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, K-pop or global songs attract
people
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 from all over the world.
Music
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 connects different generations, because children, parents and grandparents can listen to melodies together.
In addition
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, old songes exciting memories for older
people
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 when young
people
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 become familiar with them.
For instance
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, family situations
such
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 as weddings and celebrations used
music
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 to bring
people
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 together,
also
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 dancing, older and younger, to the same
music
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.
However
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, songs helps persons communicate and share emotions without using words.
Therefore
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, it is an effective way to connect individuals from different
cultures
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 and age groups. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views. I believe that through
music
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 know more about countries and understand their culture and traditions.
However
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, some
music
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 in different countries expresses their cultural identity.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use link words in a more natural way. Some are not used well.
task achievement
Add one full example and explain it more.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly all through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Check repeated ideas at the end and avoid saying the same point again.
task achievement
Develop each point with a clear reason and result.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task achievement
Your essay stays on the topic of music and people from different groups.
task achievement
You give relevant examples like K-pop, concerts, weddings, and family events.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • transcend
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural barriers
  • linguistic barriers
  • cultural exchange
  • traditions
  • instruments
  • rhythms
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • diversity
  • intergenerational bonding
  • age gap
  • popular music trends
  • global events
  • festivals
  • shared experiences
  • sense of community
  • technological advances
  • digital platforms
  • streaming services
  • accessible
  • cross-cultural
  • connections
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