A long-distance flight consumes as much fuel as a car consumes in several years time, and causes the same amount of pollution as cars. So some people think we should abandon none essential flights and it is more efficient than restricting the car. To what extent do you agree or dis agree?

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Air travel is often criticised for consuming large amounts of fuel and producing significant levels of pollution.
As a result
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, some people argue that banning non-essential
flights
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would be more effective than limiting the operation of private
cars
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.
While
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I acknowledge that air travel has a considerable environmental impact, I disagree that restricting
flights
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is a better solution than controlling
car
Use synonyms
usage
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. On the one hand, it is true that long-distance
flights
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generate a substantial amount of carbon
emissions
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. In fact, a single international flight can produce more greenhouse gases per passenger than many daily activities combined.
Moreover
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, many
flights
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are taken for leisure purposes or short business trips that could sometimes be replaced by online meetings.
For instance
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, after the COVID-19 pandemic, numerous international companies continued to hold virtual conferences rather than flying employees overseas, thereby reducing travel-related
emissions
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.
Consequently
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, reducing unnecessary air travel could make a meaningful contribution to environmental protection.
On the other hand
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,
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usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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I believe that restricting
car
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usage
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would have a greater
overall
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impact. The primary reason is that
cars
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are used daily by billions of people worldwide,
whereas
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flights
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are taken far less frequently.
Although
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an individual flight consumes a large quantity of fuel, the combined
emissions
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from millions of vehicles operating every day are significantly higher. To illustrate, major cities
such
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as London and Beijing experience severe traffic congestion, with countless
cars
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releasing pollutants throughout the day.
Therefore
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, encouraging people to
adopting to
Wrong verb form
adopt
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public transportation, cycle, or switch to electric vehicles could lead to a much greater reduction in pollution. In conclusion,
although
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non-essential
flights
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undoubtedly contribute to environmental problems, I disagree that abandoning them is a more effective solution than restricting
car
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use.
This
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is because
cars
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generate pollution on a daily basis
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
governments possess more practical tools to regulate road transport. For these reasons, limiting
car
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usage
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would be a more effective strategy for reducing
overall
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emissions
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.

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task response
Stay on the main topic in every paragraph. One part of body paragraph 2 talks about linking words, and this is not about flights or cars.
task response
Make your position fully clear all the way through. You say you disagree, and this is clear, but one paragraph goes off topic, so the answer feels less strong.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one more clear reason or result for why car limits may work better than flight limits.
task response
Use examples that directly support your point. Your online meeting example is good, but the second body paragraph needs a real example, not advice about IELTS writing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. Each paragraph should have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a natural way. Some links are good, like 'On the one hand' and 'Therefore', but one sentence breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every sentence connects to the sentence before and after it. This will help the essay read more smoothly.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion.
task response
Your example about online meetings is clear and fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs follow a logical order.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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