IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?(part 2)

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest the idea which describes that "
Today
Use synonyms
 we have more choices than in the past" in careers, lives, and studies. I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, and I will give some statements with strong references. First of all, in
today
Use synonyms
's world,
due to
Linking Words
 the improvement of technology, a great range of job opportunities from all fields
Verb problem
has
show examples
appeared.
For example
Linking Words
, in computer science, the number of branches is increasing exponentially day by day. In terms of study, going abroad or to other cities was a luxury in the past;
however
Linking Words
,
today
Use synonyms
 it is common.
In addition
Linking Words
, time changed the mindset of
people
Use synonyms
 a lot in a positive
aspect
Check wording
way
show examples
. At the present time,
people
Use synonyms
 can approach extraordinary beliefs from more unbiased aspects and are open to innovative ideas, which leads to the ease of taking action without any blame.
Moreover
Linking Words
, humans have greater freedom in their daily lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
today
Use synonyms
some
Punctuation problem
, some
show examples
 employees can manage their work from home without going anywhere, and the work schedule can be stretched. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 had more fear of other
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 blame, but
today
Use synonyms
 individuals are more likely not to pay attention to these ideas.
Besides
Linking Words
, the growth of industries offers more options when you want to buy something. For resting fields, the competition between hotels has grown, and
this
Linking Words
 has caused a great variety of hotel companies at any cost and in any country. In conclusion, because of
these plenty of
Correct determiner usage
the many
show examples
 choices,
today
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have more control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 their daily, social, and career lives.
This
Linking Words
 condition mostly arises from independence and the development of technology. 223 words

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use link words in a more natural way.
task achievement
Add one more clear example to support each main point.
task achievement
Explain your ideas more deeply, not only state them.
task achievement
Answer the question words 'to what extent' more directly through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear from the start.
task achievement
You use relevant ideas about work, study, and daily life.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: