IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Currently, the world
spending
Verb problem
is spending
show examples
 a lot of
money
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 searching for new
oil
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sources
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. People say it would be more reasonable to invest
this
Linking Words
money
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on the
Change preposition
in
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 renewable
energy
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. My position is argued
further
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 with an explanation. I strongly believe that
oil
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 resources are very important for
this
Linking Words
 world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we can not do without
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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. Even though
oil
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 is a non-renewable
energy
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 source, it remains essential as it plays a major role in our daily lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, cars, planes, ships, trucks and more transportation
relies
Correct subject-verb agreement
rely
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 on
oil
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 power generation, plastic and chemical industries can not work without
oil
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. Streets
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
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 being created by
oil
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. All these things depend on
oil
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 resources
only
Punctuation problem
,
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 not
wind
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 and solar energies.
Although
Linking Words
 Investment in
oil
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 fields is challenging, it remains necessary and unavoidable.
However
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, renewable
energy
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such
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 as
wind
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 and solar
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 indispensable
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 for the environment
since
Punctuation problem
, since
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 it is a non-toxic
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
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 unlike
the
Correct article usage
apply
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oil
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.
This
Linking Words
energy
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very useful for electricity production throughout
years
Correct article usage
the years
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 using solar panels,
wind
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 turbines and
wind
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 and solar farms.
Wind
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 and solar
energy
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 are considered environmentally friendly
sources
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 of power, as they do not produce any environmental pollution, resulting in a cleaner and
sustainable
Rephrase
more sustainable
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 environment
that is
Linking Words
 suitable for human life. These
energy
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sources
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 are renewable,
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therefore
Correct word choice
apply
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they do not require a significant budget. It is more logical that they spend more
money
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 on
oil
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 than on
wind
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 and solar
energy
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. In conclusion, spending huge sums of
money
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 on
oil
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 searching
instead
Linking Words
 of investing it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wind
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 and solar
energy
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. It is more logical
due to
Linking Words
 its scarcity and the global demand. From my perspective, I agree with the view that greater financial investment should be directed towards
oil
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 exploration rather than renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view clear from the start and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks if you agree or disagree, but your essay gives mixed ideas in the middle.
task response
Add clearer examples to support your ideas, not only general points about oil and clean energy.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main idea more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before it in a clear order. Some parts jump from one idea to another too fast.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives your essay a clear full shape.
task response
You stayed on the topic of oil and new power through the whole essay.
task response
You gave some real world points, like transport, power, plastic, wind, and solar use.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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