IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The rise of platforms like YouTube and Instagram has led many young people to spend significant amounts of time online, sometimes at the expense of their academic responsibilities. What are the consequences of this problem, and what measures can be taken to address it? Provide reasons for your answer and give relevant examples from your own experience and knowledge

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Nowadays, many young people
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 a lot of time on YouTube and Instagram. They
watches
Correct subject-verb agreement
watch
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 videos, scroll through posts, and forget about their studies.
This
Linking Words
 situation
have
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has
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 several consequences.
First,
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students may
gets
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get
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 low grades because they do not study enough. They
also
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 become tired because they use their phones until late at night. Some teenagers
is
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are
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 losing interest in reading books and attending classes.
As a result
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, their academic performance
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 worse. There are some measures to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. Parents should
controls
Wrong verb form
control
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 the screen time of their children and give
advices
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advice
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 about balancing study and entertainment. Schools can
teaches
Wrong verb form
teach
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 students how to manage their time better. Young people should
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 study schedules and
follows
Wrong verb form
follow
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 them carefully. In my experience, I
spend
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spent
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 many hours online before exams, and my results
was
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were
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 not good. Reducing social media use
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 me improve my marks. In conclusion,
this
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 problem
need
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needs
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 attention from everyone. Teachers
also
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 should
encourages
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encourage
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 students and parents
works
Wrong verb form
to work
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 together to solve it more effectively in future generations of learners.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Write more about the results of too much time online and more about how to fix it.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Make each main idea a bit deeper. Explain how low grades happen and how sleep loss hurts study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion. You already do this well, but you can add a few more.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence group. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You answer both questions: the results and the ways to solve the problem.
task response
You give a real personal example about exams and marks. This helps your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because the ideas move in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, which is good for essay shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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