In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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In different countries, parents engage their

children

Use synonyms

in different paid

work

Use synonyms

. Some individuals argue that

this

Linking Words

wrong

Correct article usage

a wrong

show examples

idea;

however

Linking Words

, others believe it is really good

work

Use synonyms

experience, and they might learn how to take

responsibility

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain why I believe that

children

Use synonyms

can have some benefits from part-time

work

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, if it

not

Verb problem

does not

show examples

affect their study process.

Firstly

Linking Words

, part-time

work

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can help people to develop

responsibility

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and independence. Their first job can be really simple,

such

Linking Words

as walking a dog or cleaning a garden for money. In

this

Linking Words

way,

children

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can acquire a significant number of different abilities, including

responsibility

Use synonyms

Children

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can learn how to manage their time and spend their first money, and understand the value of money; it can even be called "the first lesson of financial literacy." In that way,

children

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can

also

Linking Words

learn different things.

For example

Linking Words

, if they

work

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with dogs, in the

future

Punctuation problem

future,

show examples

they will be able to take care of dogs better.

On the other hand

Linking Words

work

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such

Linking Words

a young age can create some difficulties with

study

Replace the word

studying

at school. Even if it is a part-time job, it might take a significant amount of time.

Children

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need rest to stay productive and learn school subjects effectively, so

this

Linking Words

activity can reduce their grades.

Children

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's psychics may not endure

this

Linking Words

pressure, so parents need to follow their rest and high-quality sleep. I think that education should be their main priority.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I believe that

engage

Wrong verb form

engaging

show examples

kids in paid

work

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has both benefits and harmful effects; they can develop

responsibility

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and independence and might learn how

manage

Verb problem

to manage

show examples

their finances and time.

However

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

work

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can create some difficulties with study, and

tire

Change the spelling

tyre

show examples

children

Use synonyms

bogdana19052006

Jun 17, 2026

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task response

Answer both sides more clearly. Say why some people think child work is wrong, then give your own view in a direct way.

task response

Add one more clear example with real detail. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.

task response

Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but a few need more explanation.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer linking between ideas. Words like 'however', 'because', 'for example', and 'as a result' can help.

coherence and cohesion

Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. This will make the essay easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are not smooth. Try shorter and clearer sentences so the reader can follow your meaning better.

task response

You answer the question and give your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task response

You use examples such as dog walking and garden cleaning, which help support your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

The main idea of each body paragraph is generally clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

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