Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Environmental degradation has led to people holding the opinion that we will eventually need to find another
planet
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. Whilst there are many environmental problems on
Earth
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, I do not agree with
this
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statement.
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Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
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we should focus on improving how habitable our home is.
Firstly
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, the cost associated with discovering another
planet
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is extremely high.
For example
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, the financial outlay on research and construction of capable spacecraft would be immense. An equivalent investment could be put into areas
such
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as transport infrastructure.
This
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would reduce the
amount
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number
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of vehicles on the roads, lowering emissions
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hence
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and hence
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improving the quality of the environment.
In addition
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to
this
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, there are
also
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huge logistical challenges associated with relocating all humans to another
planet
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. Key issues with a mass exodus of
Earth
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are
:
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apply
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transport, accommodation and food. The extensive requirements would be incredibly difficult to achieve. The new
planet
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may
also
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be subject to the same problems as
Earth
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over time. Directing efforts towards mitigating environmental damage on
this
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planet
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would be a more fruitful endeavour. It is clear to see that the
Earth
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has been damaged. Corporations have exploited many of the scarce resources we have,
namely
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namely,
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Lithium and Coal.
Also
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, with a growing population comes growing demands that
Earth
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may not be equipped to meet.
This
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means that we may reach a time
where
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when
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we need to inhabit another
planet
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to survive.
Overall
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, it is clear to see that there are many challenges associated with finding another
planet
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. The issues are from a logistical perspective and
due to
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the investment required.
Although
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,
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apply
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there are concerns around
long-term
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the long-term
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availability of natural resources. I think it is important to acknowledge the need to protect
Earth
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and stop all of its materials from being used. I firmly believe we should remain on
this
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planet
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and improve the environmental problems we have here
rather
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, rather
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than running from them.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from start to end. One part says you do not agree, but one body part says we may need another planet. This makes your answer a bit mixed.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas. The transport example is good, but the resource point needs more support.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more deeply. Some points are good, but a few are short and could show cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Most paragraphs connect well, but phrases like "Key issues with a mass exodus of Earth are" sound a bit awkward.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. The third body paragraph brings in the other side, but it weakens your main position.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make the flow between sentences smoother. Some sentences feel separate rather than fully joined to the point before.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a strong conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and mostly well chosen.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable development
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity loss
  • climate change
  • greenhouse gases
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitable planets
  • space colonization
  • terraforming
  • ethical dilemmas
  • resource allocation
  • technological advancements
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