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Band 5.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communicationn outweigh the disadvantages

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Social
media
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 platforms have completely changed the means of communication we use on a daily basis as a population. The advantages far outweigh the
disadvatages
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disadvantages
, as we are able to make more connections in a faster
means
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manner
 than ever before in
this
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 day and age.
Firstly
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, social
media
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 gives us more opportunities than ever to connect with other humans. Before the age of the internet, most
people
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 met locally through college, mutual friends, etc. Currently, individuals from different ends of the planet, or even just a few cities away, are all able to communicate with
one
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 another.
For example
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, Tinder is a popular dating app that has led to many couples meeting. These couples would've never been able to connect before
it's
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its
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 invention. Another advantage of these social
media
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 platforms
,
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apply
show examples
 is the speed
that
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at which
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 messages are able to be sent, delivered, and received. Before the age of the internet,
one
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 could only call or send a letter if they wanted to pass on a message. Nowadays, someone can leave a note at an instant's notice, without having to disturb the other person,
while
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 still getting their message across. Commonly, in the past,
people
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 would call
one
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 another and set a time, date, and place where they would meet. If any
unforseen
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unforeseen
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 circumstances
occured
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occurred
, they would have no way to notify the other person. With social
media
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,
such
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 problems can be avoided and corrected at
near instant
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near-instant
 speed. I believe that these advantages outweigh the disadvantages that come with the
popularization
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popularisation
show examples
 of social
media
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.
However
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, social
media
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 does not come without
it's
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its
show examples
 disadvantages either.
One
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 important problem that arises with the use of these websites
,
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apply
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 is increased access to victims for scammers who want to trick unsuspecting users. Many fake accounts are made impersonating celebrities on social
media
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 sites, which are
subsquently
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subsequently
 used to try and scam
people
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 out of their
hard earned
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hard-earned
 money. A common location for
this
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 practice is Facebook, where older
people
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, who are more vulnerable to these scams, are commonly tricked by fake accounts. Another issue that social
media
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 sites may cause
,
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apply
show examples
 is the issue of cyber-bullying. Users can message
people
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,
who
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whom
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 they may not even know,
negative
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with negative
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 comments, and cause them psychological stress.
This
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 is frequently seen on Instagram comments of celebrities, where commenters will leave nasty remarks to creators
,
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apply
show examples
 without facing consequences for their actions. When the celebrity reads these comments, they can be negatively affected by
people
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 who would never be able to send those messages before the existence of social
media
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. In conclusion, the speed and ease of access social
media
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 offers
,
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apply
show examples
provides
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provide
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 both positive and negative effects.
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Overall
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Overall,
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 though, it allows more humans than ever to be able to make meaningful connections. These bonds would never be able to exist without social
media
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's creation.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, but you should talk a bit more about how social media affects society as a whole, not only personal communication.
task response
Task response: Your main view is clear from the start, and you keep this view through the essay. This is good.
task response
Task response: Some ideas could be explained in a deeper way. Try to show why the good points are stronger than the bad points in a more direct way.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most ideas are linked well with words like 'Firstly', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. This gives the essay a clear flow.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are too long, so the flow becomes a little hard to follow. Shorter sentences would make your points clearer.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: In some places, you add many examples in one long part. Try to separate one main idea from one example more clearly.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear opinion that the advantages are stronger.
task response
Your examples are relevant and easy to understand, such as dating apps, scams, and online bullying.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion match well and clearly frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, which makes the structure easy to follow.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stay in touch
  • long-distance communication
  • instant message
  • low-cost way
  • share updates
  • social connection
  • sense of community
  • build networks
  • face-to-face interaction
  • real-life relationship
  • shallow communication
  • body language
  • mental health
  • social pressure
  • compare themselves to others
  • cyberbullying
  • false information
  • waste of time
  • balanced use
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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