IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fast food is very popular these days and many people depend on fast food as their main meals. What are the advantages and disadvantages of eating fast food?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today's fast-paced world,
people
Use synonyms
 consume
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 amount of fast
food
Use synonyms
 that
constitute
Correct subject-verb agreement
constitutes
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 a large portion of their diet.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that it has some benefits, I strongly believe that fast
food
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on
Use synonyms
people
Correct word order
people's health because harmful substances in this
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health
Use synonyms
 because harmful substances in these
food
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 result in the risk of
health
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conditions
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. One major advantage of consuming more fast
food
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 is that it boosts happiness levels in the body.
This
Linking Words
 is because convenience
food
Use synonyms
 has a massive amount of sugar, which directly changes the brain's functions in a positive way.
As a result
Linking Words
, when the brain receives
this
Linking Words
 positive signal, the person feels a sense of relief.
For example
Linking Words
, individuals who prefer eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 feel more positive and happier after they finish their plate
instead
Linking Words
 of eating healthy vegetable bowls.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a strong link between happiness and consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
being
Punctuation problem
, being
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 a big fan of convenience
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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leading
Wrong verb form
leads
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people
Use synonyms
 to become more vulnerable to
health
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 issues. Because fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies use very harmful substances to extend their shelf life, these
perservaties directly are
Correct word order
preservatives are directly
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 consumed by customers,leading them to have
health
Use synonyms
conditions
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. To illustrate, recent studies show that the population in the U.S. suffers from
health
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conditions
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such
Linking Words
 as obesity
due to
Linking Words
 consuming a massive amount of fast
food
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 has a detrimental effect on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that convenience
food
Use synonyms
 has some advantages, I firmly maintain that consuming more fast
food
Use synonyms
 leads
people
Use synonyms
 to irreversible
health
Use synonyms
conditions
Use synonyms
. These disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about the bad side than the good side.
task response
Add one more clear idea for the good side or the bad side to make your answer fuller.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more exact. The example about the U.S. is okay, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences easier to follow. A few parts are hard to read because the grammar is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some links are good, but some sentences need better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the question and give both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like while, however, for example, and therefore.
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