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Writing Samples
Band 5

The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia.

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The two graphs below show the average hours of daily sunshine and temperature throughout the year in two cities in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the temperature was higher in
Darwin
Use synonyms
 compared to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
. Notably, both cities' temperatures increased gradually during the summer.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 demonstrates more
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine than
Darwin
Use synonyms
 during the winter season. Looking at the details,
Darwin
Use synonyms
 represented 18 average temperature during January, which is
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by a significant increase, accounting for 30 degrees in August. Despite an increase, the figure decreased dramatically, averaging 21 on average. The same trend is observed in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
too
Punctuation problem
, too
show examples
. Starting with 6 average, the figure picked up until July with 15 degrees, and
then
Linking Words
 decreased to its initial level with 9. Turning to daytime
hours
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 was dominated during the winter season, with an average of 10
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
Darwin
Use synonyms
was
Correct pronoun usage
it was
show examples
 6
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
's sunshine
hours
Use synonyms
 declined suddenly, reaching 6
hours
Use synonyms
, and remained the same average from May until September, before climbing up to 10
hours
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
Darwin
Use synonyms
 it was the reverse, at first it increased to 11 until May, and remained the same until September.
Initiallyinitially
Correct your spelling
Initially
, it decreased to 8 on average until December.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words darwin, melbourne, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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