IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Today
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 our
modern day
Correct your spelling
modern-day
 society
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
 individuals choose to be self-employed, rather than working under an comapany or
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will examine the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend and explain the disadvantages. There are many reasons why many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be self-employed. Today
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rise of our
economy
Punctuation problem
economy,
show examples
 many associations are paying
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 minimum wage.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 are able to provide much better salaries to their
Use synonyms
workers
Punctuation problem
workers,
show examples
 they tend not to pay any attention to
rising
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
workers salary's
Check wording
workers' salaries
show examples
. Many employees have responsibilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some of them are working parents with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
income
Check wording
incomes
show examples
 and minimum wages paid by their employers
that
Correct pronoun usage
, who
show examples
 do not care about the
workers
Use synonyms
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 their needs.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the working environment is full of toxicity and
people
Use synonyms
 competing against each other just to win their
managers
Check wording
manager's
show examples
 approval.
Working
Correct article usage
The working
show examples
 atmosphere turned into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chaos where
workers
Use synonyms
 are fighting, snitching, and it keeps getting worse and worse.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many argue that there are many disadvantages
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being self-employed and
people
Use synonyms
 should just stick to working for companies and
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
. Being self-employed is not for everyone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 half of the
people
Use synonyms
 who resigned from their jobs regret it after a year or so. Sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 have big dreams of creating their
empire
Correct word choice
own empire
show examples
 and starting their own business and companies
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they get hit by reality and
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 that that's not how life works. When
staring
Use the right word
starting
show examples
 your own
business
Punctuation problem
business,
show examples
 you must have a good amount of money saved up, because
due to
Linking Words
 our
economy
Add a comma
economy,
show examples
 everything has become more and more expensive.
In addition
Linking Words
, you have to protect yourself from bad investors
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 might steal your idea or money.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 you must have successful connections in the field you want to work
in
Punctuation problem
in,
show examples
 they might help you climb the ladder.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 are many ups and downs that will eventually happen in the market
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 you have to be aware and not give up.
People
Use synonyms
 who choose to resign must be
discipline
Replace the word
disciplined
 and know that they
put
Wrong verb form
are putting
show examples
 themselves in. In conclusion, many individuals choose to be self-employed because of the toxic working environment and the lack of manners between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleagues.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 being self-employed is not for everyone
and
Correct word choice
,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 might end up broke with nothing saved up.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people choose self-employment, but the bad side can be clearer and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea for each part. This will make your answer easier to follow.
task response
Add simple real examples. For example, talk about money risk, long work hours, or no steady pay.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one topic only. This helps your essay feel more organized.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main topic is clear from the start.
task response
You give more than one reason for self-employment.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • align
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • advancements in technology
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • financial rewards
  • constraints
  • employee benefits
  • administrative tasks
  • financial instability
  • job insecurity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: